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Autism

  • Typical Days
    I had a nice day today. Exactly what I needed. I went for a short walk and stayed alone at home. Watched Television, mainly dogs, The Simpsons and sometimes news on in background. I did reading of CS Lewis in Christianity. Will do some Bible reading shortly and prayers. That’s how most of my days […]
  • Hidden Suicide?
    I have often blogged about my own episodes of psychosis, autism and mental illness experiences on Twitter and on this blog. The people I follow and naturally the algorithm serves up news of other peoples death by suicide, neglect or other reasons. Quite often I have noticed people that have killed themselves have had their […]
  • A Middle Class Closed Shop
    I was born in a Working Class family. My grandparents and parents were Working Class who lived in council houses before they bought him. Research of my family tree suggests many before me were brick layers and factory workers. When I was growing up it was clear to me as technology became more automated that […]
  • My Prayer Life
    I had an atheist upbringing. Although my late Mother was brought up as Catholic she chose not to go to Church once she wasn’t forced to by her Mother. It’s not to say I knew nothing about religion, I did Religious studies at school and some of Mothers values passed down were Christian. It was […]
  • Surviving
    [7 Part Twitter Thread] Surviving can be defined as continuing to live or exist in spite of (an accident or ordeal). As someone with a diagnosis of Autism and Schitzoaffective Disorder surviving is what I seem to excel at. It has taken me time but I have learnt to accept survival is the best I […]
  • Mania and Hypomania
    Mania is a condition in which you have a period of abnormally elevated, extreme changes in your mood or emotions, energy level or activity level. Hypomania is milder form of Mania and may only last a few days. A feature of my Schizoaffective Disorder diagnosis that I have experienced is Mania and Hypomania. Sometimes the Mania […]
  • Mindblindness
    Mindblindness is the inability to attribute mental states such as thoughts, desires, knowledge, and intentions to self and others, and to make sense of and predict another person’s behaviour. I believe I am partially mind blind. Mind blind is a theory that Autistic people lack or have a developmental delay in Theory of Mind. I […]
  • Heresy and Market Fundamentalism
    Heresy is a belief or opinion contrary to orthodox religious (usually Christian) doctrine. The Spanish Inquisition was about identifying a person believing in or practising religious heresy (e.g. not believing in the Catholic faith). Similar persecution occurred in the UK against Catholics that were not Protestant. Believing differently to the mainstream view of the present is always going […]
  • I’m a Political Football
    As someone with a severe mental illness* and being Autistic I have increasingly realised how vulnerable I am. Not just due to the nature of my conditions that have social disadvantages from being not accepted and ostracised but also in relation to my lack of political power. Things like money, social status and memberships can […]
  • Things Going Reasonably Well Considering
    Things in my life seem to be going reasonably at well at present compared to previous experiences in my life. I have a quiet and peaceful home after all. I am fortunate to live alone. Last year I was homeless for 4 and half months in a psychiatric hospital. Psychiatric hospitals have restrictions that make […]
  • Musings on my Existence
    I find the demands of society stressful. Particularly in relating to people and those in authority. People are selfish and I find I can never please them. Whatever I do it’s not good enough. In many situations often find myself alone, not fitting in and sometimes even bullied. I find my current setup the most […]
  • Mindfulness to Contemplative Prayer
    I have wrote previously how I have been reading about Buddhism and meditating again. In 2019, I first read the book The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living which contains a western perspective of a psychiatrist in discussion with the Dalai Lama. It introduced me to some teachings of Buddhism that I found intriguing […]
  • Expecting Death Soon
    You only have to put on the television to see how awful the world is becoming in 2023. It is truly becoming hell on earth. Even in a rich country like the US the gap between the Rich and Poor is so huge that you hear of many people on the street with no medical […]
  • Some Improvement with Meds & Buddhism
    Things have been rather more difficult in the last few months. Though since I had my 4 weekly Paliperidone depot increased from 50mg to 75mg almost 3 weeks ago I have been feeling more calmer. I seem more at ease and less scared of the future. I do though still feel the future looks bleak. […]
  • No Win Scenario
    If I could relive my life again I would love to be born from rich parents who loved me, who had loads of contacts and also were part of a Church family. Why? I wouldn’t be so much for the material things but in having opportunities I never had. People that have this can often […]
  • Suicide Attempt and Med Changes
    In early September we had a heatwave in Southend-on-Sea, England. I live in a upper level flat surrounded by flats next to me, above me and below me. The back of my flat is sealed by a bathroom and kitchen. It stays lovely and warm in winter but as I discovered in this first summer […]
  • Strange New Worlds: Spock Amok
    Continuing my viewing of #StarTrek #StrangeNewWorlds I watched ‘Spock Amok’. In this episode Spock’s mind meld with his wife goes wrong and they swap bodies. On a diplomatic mission Pike is trying to convince an alien race to become a member of the Federation. The prospective alien race for Federation membership appears to mirror the […]
  • Star Trek Voyager: Endgame
    I’m watching the #StarTrek Voyager series finale ‘Endgame’ tonight. It’s a good episode. I almost shed a tear to see Tuvok in a care home. Janeway was very kind to him when visiting. I imagine the Federation in the 24th century is more enlightened in care than today. It’s a funny premise of an episode. […]
  • Star Trek Voyager: The Gift
    Continuing my #StarTrek Voyager rewatch I have finished ‘The Gift’. In this episode ‘7’ has to come to terms with leaving the Borg collective and has many operations to remove implants.Meanwhile Kes is evolving at the Quantum level (beyond our understanding) but is viewed as ill. 7 was assimilated by the Borg as a child […]
  • Star Trek Voyager: Scorpion
    I’m watching the #StarTrek Voyager 2 part ep ‘Scorpion’.In this episode Voyager enters Borg space and discovers the Borg is at war with Species 8472. The Borg are losing the war as 8472 is advanced and can’t be assimilated.The Borg have to assimilate their enemies to defeat them. Voyager uses the Empirical scientific method to […]
  • Star Trek Voyager: Worst Case Scenario
    The next #StarTrek Voyager episode I’ve watched is ‘Worst Case Scenario’. I’m not actually picking these episodes – they are all in order of my rewatch of Season 3. In this episode Torres discovers a Holonovel which simulates Chakotay and some members of the crew mutineering. Eventually many crew members decide to try the Holonovel […]
  • Star Trek Voyager: Displaced
    I’ve watched the episode ‘Displaced’ from #StarTrek Voyager. In this episode the crew are slowly replaced by aliens and find themselves in a new habitat. Eventually all the crew are put in this new habitat. This new habitat the crew find themselves in is peaceful, beautiful, has food and Earths cultural database from their ship […]
  • Star Trek Voyager: Distant Origin
    I’m watching the episode ‘Distant Origin’ from #StarTrek Voyager. It’s an episode based on similar controversy of Galileo Galilei in the 1500’s when he argued the earth revolved around the sun rather than the earth being the center. The Catholic church was upset by this polymath. In this episode Voyager meets aliens that were former […]
  • My Experiences and this Blog
    I don’t get much social contact these days. The service on Sundays at Church, my care coordinator every fortnight and you people on here. I really appreciate my interactions on here (Twitter) – so thank you. I don’t think I would cope with much of a social life anyway. I find people hard work these […]
  • What is the point of me?
    A question I have often asked myself is what is the point of my life? It’s took me a long time to find an answer. Initially, I thought the point was to get an education. So I got a university education with a degree in Computer Science. I then thought it was to be a […]
  • Colonialism in the UK Today
    I have previously written about how I feel the Social Contract needs to be more fair in the UK. This is especially true for Autistic and Mad people. Although in recent history, Mad people have had greater liberties by being able to live in the community rather than in Asylums or long stay hospitals. Today […]
  • Paul
    I often mention my Christian Faith in my blogs but I don’t write about Bible characters. I appreciate most people who read my blog are not believers so this blog might not be something that interests you. My faith has grown to be central to my life so I make no apologies but I do […]
  • Not Living My Full Potential
    I am 39 years of age this year and as is true for many Autistic adults today I don’t feel I have lived my full potential. I don’t feel I am even living anything close to it now. My reasoning is well documented if you read many of my blogs together such as the Social […]
  • Medication Side Effects
    I have been taking psychiatric medication since 2010. I was on anti-depressants until 2016 and have been on anti-psychotics since 2011. I took a break from all my medication except Lithium in 2016 for almost a year and managed to lose 35KG in weight. The anti-depressants I have tried are Escitalopram, Cymbalta, Desvenlafaxine, Mirtazapine and […]
  • A Solitary Life
    My life is largely one of solitude. Solitude is is a state of seclusion or isolation, meaning lack of socialisation. I spend an hour and a half at Church every Sunday morning in worship and in the last month I begun volunteering in a homeless charity for 4 hours on a Tuesday. However, I usually […]
  • Negative Feedback Loops
    Many of us who are Autistic also experience mental illness. Even if we don’t experience mental illness an Autistic person usually will experience similar barriers to someone with mental illness. These barriers can include social exclusion, stigma, discrimination, a lack of accessibility and no accommodations. In this blog, I am going to discuss Negative Feedback […]
  • Exclusion in Practise
    I’ve talked previously how having your rent paid and living on benefits isn’t a dream. That having found my faith makes me feel fortunate. I have mentioned that what comes with living with autism and being on benefits means there is much Stigma and Loneliness. In this blog, I will try to describe how social […]
  • The Making of Comparisons
    What if I say said to you, that you don’t need to work and can live on a government pension with your housing paid for a year or two? To a lot of people that would sound like a dream and many would take it up. Most people may feel they have a lot to […]
  • Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and Spiral Dynamics
    In this blog, I’m going to introduce Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and Spiral Dynamics. I will briefly explain each of these psychological theories and how I use them to manage my Psycho-Social challenges that come with being Autistic. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is a motivational theory in psychology comprising of 5 or 6 levels of […]
  • Psych Memories: 2015
    This may contain upsetting content about suicide. Please don’t read this if you think it will trigger you. This is first of a series of blog posts I will write about my past in using mental health services. NHS mental health services have improved in some areas and got worse in other areas here. I […]
  • Emergency Bag
    I have been in psychiatric hospitals many times in my life. At least once a year since 2010 but it has been known to happen several times in one year. My stay is usually between 2 to 6 weeks. Though sometimes it has been a week or for several months. Since my Mum and Stepdad […]
  • Peace with Life
    I’ve been trying really hard in the last year to make peace with life and death. How I was treated homeless was a wake up call. Church, Baptism and volunteering at the homeless charity are all part of that. I’m convinced I could be eliminated by the state at some point. Whether that’s in a […]
  • How I found Faith
    How if found my Christian Faith is a difficult question to answer. I don’t think I can completely explain it in a blog as I believe God has to seek us as well. Though I believe God’s invitation is initially open to everyone. There isn’t a 5 step programme in becoming Christian. Many Christians find […]
  • Stigma and Loneliness
    As someone who is Autistic and diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder the challenges of stigma and loneliness are something I share in common with others with psychiatric conditions. I use the term Autistic – it’s more to me than just a psychiatric condition. My experience maybe more or less severe than others. I had 12 rounds […]
  • Saturday Gardening
    This is something I posted on Twitter on Saturday 10th June 2023. Busy dealing all morning and some of the afternoon on an overgrown hedge in my garden. At least done my side of the fence. Neighbour on left doesn’t do gardening (so it seems). Lot of rubbish in their garden too. I’ve smashed my […]
  • Thoughts on Attitudes
    In Britain I have often found the incompassionate coldness and passive aggressiveness of many people something that has caused me to slip into suicidal thoughts. Meanwhile in Australia the toxic positivity culture seemed to not take depression seriously either. I can see why very rich people buy themselves a false sense of reality and constantly […]
  • Staying Well
    I have been diagnosed with Autism and Schizoaffective Disorder so staying well is my main priority. I tend to follow set routines and habits as it’s what I prefer from being Autistic and it also regulates my mood. I have had a history of depression and mania so ensuring I don’t get too upset or […]
  • Addictions, Dependencies and Vices
    I think virtually everyone has at least an addiction, dependency or vice. As an undiagnosed Autistic child I liked to consistently eat and drink the same things. I think my Mother noticed this so I was made to drank Orange squash and Tea. She kept me away from sweets and fizzy drinks. I still eat […]
  • Stoicism and Early Christianity
    In some ways I feel like my life has mirrored early Christians. I embraced Stocism to get into running and eventually did marathons like the Corinthians. Then I’ve given way to Christianity. Stoicism flourished under the Roman Empire until Christianity became the state religion. I was inspired by quotes and meditations of Seneca, Epictetus and […]
  • Baptised Today
    I thought I would share this in case any other Autistic person decides they want to go to Church and perhaps eventually be Baptised like I was today. I was anxious and it’s been a journey getting here. I am 38 so it’s never too late. I have had a wonderful day. I’m very proud […]
  • Book Reviews: May 2023
    I have recently read two books. One was ‘Struggling with God: Mental Health and Christian Spirituality‘ and the other is ‘The Heritage of Anglican Theology‘. Struggling with God: Mental Health and Christian Spirituality I am diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder and Autism Spectrum Disorder. I have had mental health issues for a very long time. I […]
  • Social Sins
    When I talk of Sin many of us may think of the Ten Commandments in the Bible such as “Thou shalt not kill”. Many societies practise that commandment internally and newer rules develop to deal with new challenges that each century brings us. A common widely held sin today is “Claiming state benefits”. There is […]
  • The Lord’s Supper
    Over the last 13 years I have been in and out of psychiatric hospitals for all kinds of reasons. What often helped get me better was the consistency of hospital. I could always count on supper in the evening. Supper usually occurs at around 8pm. The NHS has little funds or staff at this time […]
  • Psychosis 2023
    I recently had an episode of psychosis that hospitalised me once again. I’ve titled this post as ‘Psychosis 2023’ as I have had an episode of psychosis every year since 2017 with the exception of 2018. Unfortunately in 2017 I had 3 episodes and 3 hospitalisations over a period of 3 months. The episodes are […]
  • The Social Contract
    Developing my understanding of Social Contract theory was a milestone in my recovery. A Social Contract is where people live together in society in accordance with an agreement that establishes moral & political rules of behaviour. E.g. Law in Social security, housing, crime, tax etc. What I realised from my own experiences was that the […]
  • DIM US Framework
    I was feeling traumatised this morning and needed an outlet for my experiences. So I have created my alternative “Recovery in the Bin” inspired framework that attempts to mirror the realities compared to the CHIME Framework for personal recovery. I call it the ‘DIM US’ framework #RITB. I think the CHIME framework is a nice […]
  • Special Interest Excitement
    I had a very overactive sleep last night. Like I was sleeping and my mind was going a million miles per hour with my meds trying to sedate me at the same time. I think what got me excited was I ordered a copy of The Complete Gnostic Gospels which is unpacked by Christopher Davidson […]
  • Short Reflection on documentary
    Tweet 1 Thank you everyone for expressing thanks for my short bit in #dispatches. I don’t feel up to replying to every one of you. I did spend more time in an interview for the documentary which didn’t make the final cut as there is simply not enough time. The problem with a lot of […]
  • Walks and Social Scripts
    I’m finding I’m relaxing more during these walks. Taking in the air and appreciating the quietness between the roads. It’s nice to see a few dogs too. One thing I have noticed with my mind that I am able to articulate now is a sense of social panic and continued preparation. My mind often conjures […]
  • Why my mental health care fails
    I’ve struggled a lot in the mind for a long time.  It wasn’t until a breakdown in 2010 when I lived in Australia that I begun treatment from psychiatry. As a result of my mental illness, my relationship in Australia ended and I returned to the UK in 2013 to be with family. Before I […]
  • Poem About Autism
    Discovered this good poem by John Roedel, a father of a boy with Autism on Twitter today: Me: Hey God. God: Hey John. Me: Cure Autism. God: Nope. Me: Why? God: There is nothing to cure. Me: Huh? God: People living with autism aren’t broken. They aren’t sick. They are just people singing a beautiful […]
  • New Sensory Item
    My new snuggle pup has arrived today. I’m going to call him snoopy. He is really nice to cuddle. Lovely and soft. Feels nice to press on my lips as well. Very comforting. Far better than I imagined. A special thank you to a Twitter friend for buying me him.
  • A Joke on “Theory of Mind”
    A little joke I came up with in the shower.
  • Double empathy problem
    I think sometimes a challenge I have with being Autistic is people don’t understand and try to use simple psychoanalysis to evaluate. I’m not talking about professionals in this case I’m talking about regular people with some of a brain. If only it was as simple as that. A passive way to do it is […]
  • Why Does My Care Fail?
    Why does my care fail? If you follow me you are probably aware I have been sectioned and hospitalised many times. Fundamentally I would say it’s our Neoliberal and market fundamentalist culture which is the root cause. Though I’ll avoid an overtly philosophical discussion. The principal issue for a lot of my hospitalisations initially were […]
  • Pressure to Conform
    I think there is a huge pressure to conform. Even among members of marginalised groups. I’m incapable of conforming except from my own rational reason or due to capitulating from oppressive state violence. It’s probably one reason why I am alone. That’s not to say I can’t be respectful. If I understand the logic of […]
  • My Dark Matter Problem
    I’m aware many Autistic people don’t believe in the Theory of Mind deficits and I respect that.I’m not so sure.I don’t believe I have a theory of mind at all. Perhaps that’s not due to autism but something else. I for a number of years have described it as my dark matter problem. Dark matter […]
  • Not a People Person
    I’m come to the conclusion I am not a people person but I value the importance of sharing, community and helping each other.Going to Church was a sea change for me last year but I felt it was important to me to have a link with a church given that I believe in Christ’s teachings. […]
  • SodaStream Joy
    One of the things that gives me so much Autistic joy is my SodaStream. A SodaStream machine contains a gas cylinder of carbon dioxide that you apply to water. You then add a syrup (flavour) to the fizzy water. I enjoy making them and I like the bubbles. I often make 1 bottle (1 litre […]
  • Not Optimistic About New year
    I can’t say I feel optimistic about a happy new year. I’m amazed I’m actually seeing the new year without being homeless. It went on for too long. I guess after this year I’m dreading what next year has in store for me. I have been very badly beaten down emotionally this year. Spending 4.5 […]
  • Incorrect Social Moves
    I’ve noticed more since my autism diagnosis that I don’t fit in. It’s very obvious to me now I’m not displaying the right social moves to be accepted. More than I realise. I think it takes people time to accept me. Like I think in my church they seem to be warming to me. One […]
  • Autistic Leper
    I have an interesting interplay that goes on in Church. I often explain myself to members by saying I’m Autistic. Whether that’s to reason why I don’t work or how I came to Church this year by reading the Bible in a psychiatric hospital. One has said to me they don’t use labels and another […]

Books

  • Book Review: Simply Christian
    I’ve recently read the book ‘Simply Christian‘ by Tom Wright. Tom Wright is the pen name for N.T. Wright. The author uses his middle name for his books aimed at the mass audience. N.T. Wright is a New Testament scholar and was the Bishop of Durham from 2003 to 2010 for the Church of England. […]
  • Book Reviews: May 2023
    I have recently read two books. One was ‘Struggling with God: Mental Health and Christian Spirituality‘ and the other is ‘The Heritage of Anglican Theology‘. Struggling with God: Mental Health and Christian Spirituality I am diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder and Autism Spectrum Disorder. I have had mental health issues for a very long time. I […]
  • More Christian Books
    I have blogged previously that in recent times I have got into reading Christian books and some Christian Theology (Read here and here). My new found faith in recent years as become a huge strength in my wellbeing. I am so thankful to have Christ in my life. Next week I am being baptised in […]
  • My Love of Reading
    Those new new non-canon books of the Bible just arrived. I doubt I will read them in full or consider them an alternative to the New International Version of the Bible. I like to read Christian theology and others interpretations these days. Most of my reading used to be in economics. Computer programming was just […]
  • Gospel of Thomas
    I’ve finished scanning my collection of old photos into my computer. There was a sermon in Church today on Thomas who doubted the resurrection of Christ but believed in his divinity once he touched his wounds. Sometimes the sermons lead me to do self-study on a Sunday afternoon. As I scanned the photos I found […]
  • My Christian Book Collection and Journey
    I have slowly built up a small collection of Christian books in recent years. Initially in 2016-18 I was inspired by quotes that originated from the Bible that I discovered online. After psychosis with a spiritual nature in late 2017 I bought my first Bible. Initially I bought a Rainbow Study Bible in 2018 as […]

Economics

  • Austerity and Stoicism
    Since the banking crisis of 2008, times have became increasingly more difficult for many people in Britain and the world. Since 2010 the “free at the point of use” NHS has declined as a health service where it is no longer number 1 in the world for many categories. The NHS waiting list was around […]
  • The Rich and AI
    For a very long time the three factors of production in classical economics were Land or natural resources, Labour and Capital. Today the four factors for production in a modern economy are Land, Labour, Capital and Entrepreneurship. Marx had similar views to the classical economists. Since the late 20th Century much automation has removed the […]
  • No Win Scenario
    If I could relive my life again I would love to be born from rich parents who loved me, who had loads of contacts and also were part of a Church family. Why? I wouldn’t be so much for the material things but in having opportunities I never had. People that have this can often […]
  • Money and Currency
    Money such as £€¥$ is created by the government digitally and some of it is printed as paper. It has no material value except what we believe it’s worth. Governments often create more of it when needed. In recent years much of it has gone to bankers and the ultra wealthy. However, too much money […]
  • Star Trek Voyager: Scorpion
    I’m watching the #StarTrek Voyager 2 part ep ‘Scorpion’.In this episode Voyager enters Borg space and discovers the Borg is at war with Species 8472. The Borg are losing the war as 8472 is advanced and can’t be assimilated.The Borg have to assimilate their enemies to defeat them. Voyager uses the Empirical scientific method to […]
  • A Solitary Life
    My life is largely one of solitude. Solitude is is a state of seclusion or isolation, meaning lack of socialisation. I spend an hour and a half at Church every Sunday morning in worship and in the last month I begun volunteering in a homeless charity for 4 hours on a Tuesday. However, I usually […]
  • The Social Contract
    Developing my understanding of Social Contract theory was a milestone in my recovery. A Social Contract is where people live together in society in accordance with an agreement that establishes moral & political rules of behaviour. E.g. Law in Social security, housing, crime, tax etc. What I realised from my own experiences was that the […]
  • The Economy is a Casino
    A way of describing my #ActuallyAutistic life is like being trapped in a casino with no exit. Since I don’t have a job the casino gives me money to play.Sometimes I have to play to fit in but these days I’m focused on life support – essentials & small unnecessary luxuries. I’ve never been to […]

Faith

  • Thoughts on Communion
    I do appreciate participating in Holy Communion at Church on Sundays. I find with my condition and unemployment I am stigmatised and demonised by much of the media and thus society. Confessing our sins each week at Communion helps me let go of such negativity and ill feeling. Eating the bread and drinking the wine […]
  • Typical Days
    I had a nice day today. Exactly what I needed. I went for a short walk and stayed alone at home. Watched Television, mainly dogs, The Simpsons and sometimes news on in background. I did reading of CS Lewis in Christianity. Will do some Bible reading shortly and prayers. That’s how most of my days […]
  • Austerity and Stoicism
    Since the banking crisis of 2008, times have became increasingly more difficult for many people in Britain and the world. Since 2010 the “free at the point of use” NHS has declined as a health service where it is no longer number 1 in the world for many categories. The NHS waiting list was around […]
  • My Prayer Life
    I had an atheist upbringing. Although my late Mother was brought up as Catholic she chose not to go to Church once she wasn’t forced to by her Mother. It’s not to say I knew nothing about religion, I did Religious studies at school and some of Mothers values passed down were Christian. It was […]
  • Worthy
    [6 Part Twitter Thread] A big part of my life was trying to be worthy. Today many in society measure worth in terms of how much money you have or what job title you have. I have had jobs in the past experiencing burnout and breakdown.As the occupation I was trained in become less accessible […]
  • Heresy and Market Fundamentalism
    Heresy is a belief or opinion contrary to orthodox religious (usually Christian) doctrine. The Spanish Inquisition was about identifying a person believing in or practising religious heresy (e.g. not believing in the Catholic faith). Similar persecution occurred in the UK against Catholics that were not Protestant. Believing differently to the mainstream view of the present is always going […]
  • Things Going Reasonably Well Considering
    Things in my life seem to be going reasonably at well at present compared to previous experiences in my life. I have a quiet and peaceful home after all. I am fortunate to live alone. Last year I was homeless for 4 and half months in a psychiatric hospital. Psychiatric hospitals have restrictions that make […]
  • Mindfulness to Contemplative Prayer
    I have wrote previously how I have been reading about Buddhism and meditating again. In 2019, I first read the book The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living which contains a western perspective of a psychiatrist in discussion with the Dalai Lama. It introduced me to some teachings of Buddhism that I found intriguing […]
  • Expecting Death Soon
    You only have to put on the television to see how awful the world is becoming in 2023. It is truly becoming hell on earth. Even in a rich country like the US the gap between the Rich and Poor is so huge that you hear of many people on the street with no medical […]
  • Some Improvement with Meds & Buddhism
    Things have been rather more difficult in the last few months. Though since I had my 4 weekly Paliperidone depot increased from 50mg to 75mg almost 3 weeks ago I have been feeling more calmer. I seem more at ease and less scared of the future. I do though still feel the future looks bleak. […]
  • What is the point of me?
    A question I have often asked myself is what is the point of my life? It’s took me a long time to find an answer. Initially, I thought the point was to get an education. So I got a university education with a degree in Computer Science. I then thought it was to be a […]
  • Spiritual Beliefs in Hospital
    [Twitter Thread] I do feel psychiatric hospitals need to cater more for those with Spiritual and Religious beliefs. Principally I feel they should provide some access to religious texts. The Bible has been very helpful to my recoveries as well as soothing. I think the best way to do this is for.. every hospital to […]
  • Paul
    I often mention my Christian Faith in my blogs but I don’t write about Bible characters. I appreciate most people who read my blog are not believers so this blog might not be something that interests you. My faith has grown to be central to my life so I make no apologies but I do […]
  • Not Living My Full Potential
    I am 39 years of age this year and as is true for many Autistic adults today I don’t feel I have lived my full potential. I don’t feel I am even living anything close to it now. My reasoning is well documented if you read many of my blogs together such as the Social […]
  • Exclusion in Practise
    I’ve talked previously how having your rent paid and living on benefits isn’t a dream. That having found my faith makes me feel fortunate. I have mentioned that what comes with living with autism and being on benefits means there is much Stigma and Loneliness. In this blog, I will try to describe how social […]
  • The Making of Comparisons
    What if I say said to you, that you don’t need to work and can live on a government pension with your housing paid for a year or two? To a lot of people that would sound like a dream and many would take it up. Most people may feel they have a lot to […]
  • How I found Faith
    How if found my Christian Faith is a difficult question to answer. I don’t think I can completely explain it in a blog as I believe God has to seek us as well. Though I believe God’s invitation is initially open to everyone. There isn’t a 5 step programme in becoming Christian. Many Christians find […]
  • Book Review: Simply Christian
    I’ve recently read the book ‘Simply Christian‘ by Tom Wright. Tom Wright is the pen name for N.T. Wright. The author uses his middle name for his books aimed at the mass audience. N.T. Wright is a New Testament scholar and was the Bishop of Durham from 2003 to 2010 for the Church of England. […]
  • Stoicism and Early Christianity
    In some ways I feel like my life has mirrored early Christians. I embraced Stocism to get into running and eventually did marathons like the Corinthians. Then I’ve given way to Christianity. Stoicism flourished under the Roman Empire until Christianity became the state religion. I was inspired by quotes and meditations of Seneca, Epictetus and […]
  • Baptised Today
    I thought I would share this in case any other Autistic person decides they want to go to Church and perhaps eventually be Baptised like I was today. I was anxious and it’s been a journey getting here. I am 38 so it’s never too late. I have had a wonderful day. I’m very proud […]
  • Book Reviews: May 2023
    I have recently read two books. One was ‘Struggling with God: Mental Health and Christian Spirituality‘ and the other is ‘The Heritage of Anglican Theology‘. Struggling with God: Mental Health and Christian Spirituality I am diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder and Autism Spectrum Disorder. I have had mental health issues for a very long time. I […]
  • Social Sins
    When I talk of Sin many of us may think of the Ten Commandments in the Bible such as “Thou shalt not kill”. Many societies practise that commandment internally and newer rules develop to deal with new challenges that each century brings us. A common widely held sin today is “Claiming state benefits”. There is […]
  • The Lord’s Supper
    Over the last 13 years I have been in and out of psychiatric hospitals for all kinds of reasons. What often helped get me better was the consistency of hospital. I could always count on supper in the evening. Supper usually occurs at around 8pm. The NHS has little funds or staff at this time […]
  • All things are possible
    Many years ago I used to feel incredibly lonely. Even when I had a partner in 2011 I felt alone. Eventually my partner had enough of me and I came back to England. Although my mother was alive.I still felt alone and wanted to die. In 2015 I had ECT after my final suicide attempt. […]
  • More Christian Books
    I have blogged previously that in recent times I have got into reading Christian books and some Christian Theology (Read here and here). My new found faith in recent years as become a huge strength in my wellbeing. I am so thankful to have Christ in my life. Next week I am being baptised in […]
  • Shield of Faith
    Sometimes when I talk to mental health professionals I feel like a politician. The professional obviously has their own politics and follows an ideology of their profession. I can sometimes be trying to explain myself in a coherent way that is grounded in philosophy and theory. It can be challenging as I can be pressed […]
  • Christian Sacraments
    I’ve been reading about Christian sacraments this afternoon. My academic theological textbook has a chapter on it which has been most useful.Although I have participated in holy communion (a sacrament) on a Sunday since July it’s taken time for me to comprehend the meaning to me. A sacrament conveys God’s grace. God’s grace is usually […]
  • Gospel of Thomas
    I’ve finished scanning my collection of old photos into my computer. There was a sermon in Church today on Thomas who doubted the resurrection of Christ but believed in his divinity once he touched his wounds. Sometimes the sermons lead me to do self-study on a Sunday afternoon. As I scanned the photos I found […]
  • Easter
    My Easter was simple as usual. I was alone. In the past I would often go to my late Mothers who would make a nice three course meal with Roast dinner. This year I made some effort by making my own three course meal. I had tomato soup, a microwavable roast dinner and some chocolate […]
  • My Christian Book Collection and Journey
    I have slowly built up a small collection of Christian books in recent years. Initially in 2016-18 I was inspired by quotes that originated from the Bible that I discovered online. After psychosis with a spiritual nature in late 2017 I bought my first Bible. Initially I bought a Rainbow Study Bible in 2018 as […]
  • Book of Romans
    A few months back I was going to evening lectures at my Church weekly on the book of Romans in the Bible. After the 4th week I stopped because it was burning me out. I didn’t like being out late in the evenings repeatedly then I was taking my medication late which was unsettling. The […]
  • Christ-centred Care
    When I was in a psych hospital homeless for 4 and a half months I didn’t get person-centred care. Though it could have been worse. I decided to double down on my new found faith by providing myself with Christ-centred care. During that time no information was shared about where I was going.I wasn’t sure […]
  • Mark 12:17
    Some Pharisees and Herodians were sent to Jesus to catch him in his words. They came to him and said, “Teacher, we know that you are a man of integrity. You aren’t swayed by others, because you pay no attention to who they are; but you teach the way of God in accordance with the […]
  • Exodus: Gods and Kings
    Rewatching Exodus: Gods and Kings. I first watched it last year in hospital from my tablet computer. I had first read Exodus from the Bible. It’s about a King who wouldn’t let enslaved people be free for economic reasons. Moses is inspired by God to plead they be set free. The King refuses so God […]
  • My Belief in God
    In this thread, I am going to talk about my belief in God. If this doesn’t interest you then I hope you make better use of your day. If your agnostic or interested in knowing and understanding me then please continue I am not attempting to indoctrinate you. An early question I had before believing […]
  • Made Perfect in Weakness
    I remember when I got discharged from hospital in the summer I had to pay £40 for a taxi to carry all my belongings. Then I had to move my luggage every 10 metres from the back of the council office to the front as I couldn’t carry it all. I think it was 37c […]
  • Story of God
    Sitting on my bed going through the puzzle box looking for the remaining straights. On my 3rd round now. Watching/Listening to the Story of God by Morgan Freeman. Seen it a few times this series. Often makes me feel good. Done so well. Morgan Freeman just said “What do you do when you feel the […]
  • Proof of God
    I was thinking today what made me identify in believing God in recent years. Although the teachings of Christ are important to me. It is all the simple and complex systems out there in every sphere of knowledge that put value to me in the unseen unity of God. Every time I would research something […]
  • Autistic Leper
    I have an interesting interplay that goes on in Church. I often explain myself to members by saying I’m Autistic. Whether that’s to reason why I don’t work or how I came to Church this year by reading the Bible in a psychiatric hospital. One has said to me they don’t use labels and another […]

Film

  • The Book of Eli
    I have recently rewatched The Book of Eli (2010) and thought I would analyse how it interests me. I admire Denzel Washington as an actor and a Christian. It is a post-apocalypse story where humanity has lost its way. Near the start of the film a women is being attacked (She tried to deceive him […]
  • Batman Vs Superman
    I have blogged previously about my love for Henry Cavill’s Man of Steel and thought I would analyse its sequel Batman Vs Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016). Although nowhere as good as the original I was excited to watch the movie in 2016 the same year when my Mum died. I had not long come […]
  • Man of Steel
    I have blogged before how a technologically advanced human society in Star Trek gives me hope of a more socialist future. I looked up to Picard as a voice of reason and diplomacy but there are many other characters beyond Star Trek that have been hugely influential on me. Superman from Man of Steel (2013) […]
  • The Rise of the Skywalker
    Tonight I’m watching Star Wars: Rise of the Skywalker on Blu-ray. I haven’t seen this film, well I think 20 minutes of it but at the time I wasn’t impressed. Anyway I will try to finish the Skywalker Saga tonight. I just saw Chewbacca and immediately thought of him as someone who is Autistic. He […]
  • The Last Jedi
    Tonight I’m watching the Star Wars: The Last Jedi on blu ray. I had a thought that the Jedi don’t just represent figures of a mystical religion of light and dark. They represent people with power and knowledge of the ways of philosophy and theology. Knowing the difference between good and evil is important with […]
  • Star Wars Rewatching
    Saturday 15th April I got the Star Wars Saga (EPs 1-9) for a good price on blu ray in CEX recently. Not seen it since DVD so great to see it in hi Def at full bitrate. Lots of parallels to the rise of fascism and how the good people (Jedi) make many mistakes that […]
  • A Dogs Purpose
    I watched the film ‘A Dogs Purpose’ today and it made me cry a few times. In this film a dog lives different lives and is reincarnated as a new puppy everytime the Dog dies. The dog has many good lives and sad lives. The dog has different roles from being a dog to a […]
  • Exodus: Gods and Kings
    Rewatching Exodus: Gods and Kings. I first watched it last year in hospital from my tablet computer. I had first read Exodus from the Bible. It’s about a King who wouldn’t let enslaved people be free for economic reasons. Moses is inspired by God to plead they be set free. The King refuses so God […]

General Living

  • Saturday Gardening
    This is something I posted on Twitter on Saturday 10th June 2023. Busy dealing all morning and some of the afternoon on an overgrown hedge in my garden. At least done my side of the fence. Neighbour on left doesn’t do gardening (so it seems). Lot of rubbish in their garden too. I’ve smashed my […]

Homelessness

  • Things Going Reasonably Well Considering
    Things in my life seem to be going reasonably at well at present compared to previous experiences in my life. I have a quiet and peaceful home after all. I am fortunate to live alone. Last year I was homeless for 4 and half months in a psychiatric hospital. Psychiatric hospitals have restrictions that make […]
  • Musings on my Existence
    I find the demands of society stressful. Particularly in relating to people and those in authority. People are selfish and I find I can never please them. Whatever I do it’s not good enough. In many situations often find myself alone, not fitting in and sometimes even bullied. I find my current setup the most […]
  • Expecting Death Soon
    You only have to put on the television to see how awful the world is becoming in 2023. It is truly becoming hell on earth. Even in a rich country like the US the gap between the Rich and Poor is so huge that you hear of many people on the street with no medical […]
  • Star Trek Voyager: Displaced
    I’ve watched the episode ‘Displaced’ from #StarTrek Voyager. In this episode the crew are slowly replaced by aliens and find themselves in a new habitat. Eventually all the crew are put in this new habitat. This new habitat the crew find themselves in is peaceful, beautiful, has food and Earths cultural database from their ship […]
  • Reflections on Last Year
    The last year has been a strange but also a humbling experience. Living homeless in a psychiatric ward for 4 and half months (although only sectioned for 6 weeks) meant I had few luxuries & privileges.I’m redefining luxuries here for many.Going out to the fountain to drink Pepsi in Basildon town centre was a luxury. […]
  • Peace with Life
    I’ve been trying really hard in the last year to make peace with life and death. How I was treated homeless was a wake up call. Church, Baptism and volunteering at the homeless charity are all part of that. I’m convinced I could be eliminated by the state at some point. Whether that’s in a […]
  • How I found Faith
    How if found my Christian Faith is a difficult question to answer. I don’t think I can completely explain it in a blog as I believe God has to seek us as well. Though I believe God’s invitation is initially open to everyone. There isn’t a 5 step programme in becoming Christian. Many Christians find […]
  • Commentary on Universal Credit
    Not sure how anyone lives on the standard allowance of Universal Credit of £292.22 a month for under 25 and £368.74 a month for over 25. Usually you need some of it to top up rent payments as housing benefit or UC housing element isn’t enough. Then you have costs like:Food, council tax, electricity, gas, […]
  • The Lord’s Supper
    Over the last 13 years I have been in and out of psychiatric hospitals for all kinds of reasons. What often helped get me better was the consistency of hospital. I could always count on supper in the evening. Supper usually occurs at around 8pm. The NHS has little funds or staff at this time […]
  • Dehumanisation
    Dehumanisation is the denial of full humanity in others along with the cruelty and suffering that accompany it. A practical definition refers to it as the viewing and the treatment of other people as though they lack the mental capacities that are commonly attributed to humans. Homelessness in my experience seems to be the delimiter […]
  • Basildon Day Trip
    It was strange going into Basildon Town centre today as I saw the fountain where I used to sit when I got leave from hospital. It felt different this time because I’m in a better place now. It meant so much to me that fountain. Now I feel I have started early retirement. Society is […]
  • 6 Months Homed
    I feel so on top of things now, it is bliss. So much of last year has been limbo from homelessness, sorting out this new home but at the same time being patient in getting there and now I have the cherry on top with my garden ready to grow some vegetables this spring/summer. It’s […]
  • Lessons from being Homeless
    Being homeless last year by living in a psych hospital for 4.5 months and 6 weeks in a hotel was traumatic. Though I have learnt some valuable life lessons. However, I wouldn’t want anyone else to have to go through that. Some of these lessons I can think of are: Appreciate the essentials in life: […]
  • Being Homeless in 2022
    I spent 4.5 month in a psych hospital and a hotel for 1.5 months homeless.I doubt many people would of handled that. What struck me when I was homeless for 6 months was peoples emotional reasoning. It seemed to be acceptable when compared to being beaten or living on the streets. To often it’s ok […]

LGBTQIA+

  • Paul
    I often mention my Christian Faith in my blogs but I don’t write about Bible characters. I appreciate most people who read my blog are not believers so this blog might not be something that interests you. My faith has grown to be central to my life so I make no apologies but I do […]

Lived Experience

  • Typical Days
    I had a nice day today. Exactly what I needed. I went for a short walk and stayed alone at home. Watched Television, mainly dogs, The Simpsons and sometimes news on in background. I did reading of CS Lewis in Christianity. Will do some Bible reading shortly and prayers. That’s how most of my days […]
  • The Rich and AI
    For a very long time the three factors of production in classical economics were Land or natural resources, Labour and Capital. Today the four factors for production in a modern economy are Land, Labour, Capital and Entrepreneurship. Marx had similar views to the classical economists. Since the late 20th Century much automation has removed the […]
  • A Middle Class Closed Shop
    I was born in a Working Class family. My grandparents and parents were Working Class who lived in council houses before they bought him. Research of my family tree suggests many before me were brick layers and factory workers. When I was growing up it was clear to me as technology became more automated that […]
  • My Prayer Life
    I had an atheist upbringing. Although my late Mother was brought up as Catholic she chose not to go to Church once she wasn’t forced to by her Mother. It’s not to say I knew nothing about religion, I did Religious studies at school and some of Mothers values passed down were Christian. It was […]
  • Surviving
    [7 Part Twitter Thread] Surviving can be defined as continuing to live or exist in spite of (an accident or ordeal). As someone with a diagnosis of Autism and Schitzoaffective Disorder surviving is what I seem to excel at. It has taken me time but I have learnt to accept survival is the best I […]
  • Worthy
    [6 Part Twitter Thread] A big part of my life was trying to be worthy. Today many in society measure worth in terms of how much money you have or what job title you have. I have had jobs in the past experiencing burnout and breakdown.As the occupation I was trained in become less accessible […]
  • Mania and Hypomania
    Mania is a condition in which you have a period of abnormally elevated, extreme changes in your mood or emotions, energy level or activity level. Hypomania is milder form of Mania and may only last a few days. A feature of my Schizoaffective Disorder diagnosis that I have experienced is Mania and Hypomania. Sometimes the Mania […]
  • Psychosis: A Heart Attack of the Mind
    Previously I wrote about Mindblindness and how it can lead to me experiencing paranoia. Some would argue that I am just experiencing mild psychosis or extreme anxiety. In any case, it is something I have to live with for a long time that has got worse over the years. Though it tends to affect me […]
  • Heresy and Market Fundamentalism
    Heresy is a belief or opinion contrary to orthodox religious (usually Christian) doctrine. The Spanish Inquisition was about identifying a person believing in or practising religious heresy (e.g. not believing in the Catholic faith). Similar persecution occurred in the UK against Catholics that were not Protestant. Believing differently to the mainstream view of the present is always going […]
  • I’m a Political Football
    As someone with a severe mental illness* and being Autistic I have increasingly realised how vulnerable I am. Not just due to the nature of my conditions that have social disadvantages from being not accepted and ostracised but also in relation to my lack of political power. Things like money, social status and memberships can […]
  • Things Going Reasonably Well Considering
    Things in my life seem to be going reasonably at well at present compared to previous experiences in my life. I have a quiet and peaceful home after all. I am fortunate to live alone. Last year I was homeless for 4 and half months in a psychiatric hospital. Psychiatric hospitals have restrictions that make […]
  • Some Improvement with Meds & Buddhism
    Things have been rather more difficult in the last few months. Though since I had my 4 weekly Paliperidone depot increased from 50mg to 75mg almost 3 weeks ago I have been feeling more calmer. I seem more at ease and less scared of the future. I do though still feel the future looks bleak. […]
  • No Win Scenario
    If I could relive my life again I would love to be born from rich parents who loved me, who had loads of contacts and also were part of a Church family. Why? I wouldn’t be so much for the material things but in having opportunities I never had. People that have this can often […]
  • Strange New Worlds: Spock Amok
    Continuing my viewing of #StarTrek #StrangeNewWorlds I watched ‘Spock Amok’. In this episode Spock’s mind meld with his wife goes wrong and they swap bodies. On a diplomatic mission Pike is trying to convince an alien race to become a member of the Federation. The prospective alien race for Federation membership appears to mirror the […]
  • Star Trek Strange New Worlds: Pilot
    I’ve just popped my Blu-ray disc of #StarTrek Strange New Worlds Season 1 into the player. The menu has a beautiful soundtrack.I have seen a few episodes of this last summer when homeless in a hotel. I had a free trial of Paramount+ and watched a few episodes.Engage! Well the theme tune just made a […]
  • Star Trek Voyager: Endgame
    I’m watching the #StarTrek Voyager series finale ‘Endgame’ tonight. It’s a good episode. I almost shed a tear to see Tuvok in a care home. Janeway was very kind to him when visiting. I imagine the Federation in the 24th century is more enlightened in care than today. It’s a funny premise of an episode. […]
  • Star Trek Voyager: The Gift
    Continuing my #StarTrek Voyager rewatch I have finished ‘The Gift’. In this episode ‘7’ has to come to terms with leaving the Borg collective and has many operations to remove implants.Meanwhile Kes is evolving at the Quantum level (beyond our understanding) but is viewed as ill. 7 was assimilated by the Borg as a child […]
  • Star Trek Voyager: Scorpion
    I’m watching the #StarTrek Voyager 2 part ep ‘Scorpion’.In this episode Voyager enters Borg space and discovers the Borg is at war with Species 8472. The Borg are losing the war as 8472 is advanced and can’t be assimilated.The Borg have to assimilate their enemies to defeat them. Voyager uses the Empirical scientific method to […]
  • Star Trek Voyager: Worst Case Scenario
    The next #StarTrek Voyager episode I’ve watched is ‘Worst Case Scenario’. I’m not actually picking these episodes – they are all in order of my rewatch of Season 3. In this episode Torres discovers a Holonovel which simulates Chakotay and some members of the crew mutineering. Eventually many crew members decide to try the Holonovel […]
  • Star Trek Voyager: Displaced
    I’ve watched the episode ‘Displaced’ from #StarTrek Voyager. In this episode the crew are slowly replaced by aliens and find themselves in a new habitat. Eventually all the crew are put in this new habitat. This new habitat the crew find themselves in is peaceful, beautiful, has food and Earths cultural database from their ship […]
  • My Experiences and this Blog
    I don’t get much social contact these days. The service on Sundays at Church, my care coordinator every fortnight and you people on here. I really appreciate my interactions on here (Twitter) – so thank you. I don’t think I would cope with much of a social life anyway. I find people hard work these […]
  • What is the point of me?
    A question I have often asked myself is what is the point of my life? It’s took me a long time to find an answer. Initially, I thought the point was to get an education. So I got a university education with a degree in Computer Science. I then thought it was to be a […]
  • Not Living My Full Potential
    I am 39 years of age this year and as is true for many Autistic adults today I don’t feel I have lived my full potential. I don’t feel I am even living anything close to it now. My reasoning is well documented if you read many of my blogs together such as the Social […]
  • Medication Side Effects
    I have been taking psychiatric medication since 2010. I was on anti-depressants until 2016 and have been on anti-psychotics since 2011. I took a break from all my medication except Lithium in 2016 for almost a year and managed to lose 35KG in weight. The anti-depressants I have tried are Escitalopram, Cymbalta, Desvenlafaxine, Mirtazapine and […]
  • A Solitary Life
    My life is largely one of solitude. Solitude is is a state of seclusion or isolation, meaning lack of socialisation. I spend an hour and a half at Church every Sunday morning in worship and in the last month I begun volunteering in a homeless charity for 4 hours on a Tuesday. However, I usually […]
  • Reflections on Last Year
    The last year has been a strange but also a humbling experience. Living homeless in a psychiatric ward for 4 and half months (although only sectioned for 6 weeks) meant I had few luxuries & privileges.I’m redefining luxuries here for many.Going out to the fountain to drink Pepsi in Basildon town centre was a luxury. […]
  • Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and Spiral Dynamics
    In this blog, I’m going to introduce Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and Spiral Dynamics. I will briefly explain each of these psychological theories and how I use them to manage my Psycho-Social challenges that come with being Autistic. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is a motivational theory in psychology comprising of 5 or 6 levels of […]
  • Psych Memories: 2015
    This may contain upsetting content about suicide. Please don’t read this if you think it will trigger you. This is first of a series of blog posts I will write about my past in using mental health services. NHS mental health services have improved in some areas and got worse in other areas here. I […]
  • Emergency Bag
    I have been in psychiatric hospitals many times in my life. At least once a year since 2010 but it has been known to happen several times in one year. My stay is usually between 2 to 6 weeks. Though sometimes it has been a week or for several months. Since my Mum and Stepdad […]
  • Peace with Life
    I’ve been trying really hard in the last year to make peace with life and death. How I was treated homeless was a wake up call. Church, Baptism and volunteering at the homeless charity are all part of that. I’m convinced I could be eliminated by the state at some point. Whether that’s in a […]
  • How I found Faith
    How if found my Christian Faith is a difficult question to answer. I don’t think I can completely explain it in a blog as I believe God has to seek us as well. Though I believe God’s invitation is initially open to everyone. There isn’t a 5 step programme in becoming Christian. Many Christians find […]
  • Stigma and Loneliness
    As someone who is Autistic and diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder the challenges of stigma and loneliness are something I share in common with others with psychiatric conditions. I use the term Autistic – it’s more to me than just a psychiatric condition. My experience maybe more or less severe than others. I had 12 rounds […]
  • Staying Well
    I have been diagnosed with Autism and Schizoaffective Disorder so staying well is my main priority. I tend to follow set routines and habits as it’s what I prefer from being Autistic and it also regulates my mood. I have had a history of depression and mania so ensuring I don’t get too upset or […]
  • Addictions, Dependencies and Vices
    I think virtually everyone has at least an addiction, dependency or vice. As an undiagnosed Autistic child I liked to consistently eat and drink the same things. I think my Mother noticed this so I was made to drank Orange squash and Tea. She kept me away from sweets and fizzy drinks. I still eat […]
  • Baptised Today
    I thought I would share this in case any other Autistic person decides they want to go to Church and perhaps eventually be Baptised like I was today. I was anxious and it’s been a journey getting here. I am 38 so it’s never too late. I have had a wonderful day. I’m very proud […]
  • The Lord’s Supper
    Over the last 13 years I have been in and out of psychiatric hospitals for all kinds of reasons. What often helped get me better was the consistency of hospital. I could always count on supper in the evening. Supper usually occurs at around 8pm. The NHS has little funds or staff at this time […]
  • A Student of Life
    In this thread I will attempt to describe a very simple summary of my understanding of life and how it changed during my #ActuallyAutistic #Mentalillness journey. It’s not complete as I would probably need a book to do that.Though knowledge of major influences may be of interest. As an undiagnosed Autistic young man I often […]
  • Simple Living
    I think the happiest time in my life was when I was in my 3rd year of university. Although I was deeply worried about the big wide world when I expected to graduate. I didn’t have much money and lived a humble life. I lived in a room with an ensuite shower. I had one […]
  • All things are possible
    Many years ago I used to feel incredibly lonely. Even when I had a partner in 2011 I felt alone. Eventually my partner had enough of me and I came back to England. Although my mother was alive.I still felt alone and wanted to die. In 2015 I had ECT after my final suicide attempt. […]
  • A Strong Person
    I like to think I’m a strong person. I believe a lot of people would be trying to kill themselves in my situation. I haven’t attempted suicide since 2015. The key to my survival is appreciating simply things. I reckon I could even work a routine out with the Bible and a tent. I think […]
  • Psychosis 2023
    I recently had an episode of psychosis that hospitalised me once again. I’ve titled this post as ‘Psychosis 2023’ as I have had an episode of psychosis every year since 2017 with the exception of 2018. Unfortunately in 2017 I had 3 episodes and 3 hospitalisations over a period of 3 months. The episodes are […]
  • DIM US Framework
    I was feeling traumatised this morning and needed an outlet for my experiences. So I have created my alternative “Recovery in the Bin” inspired framework that attempts to mirror the realities compared to the CHIME Framework for personal recovery. I call it the ‘DIM US’ framework #RITB. I think the CHIME framework is a nice […]
  • Scanning Photos
    I began scanning my photos (mostly childhood). There isn’t that much once I took them out of there tired old and very spacious books. Lot of rubbish ones. I’ll keep everything digitally. Then I will keep the ones I like. I’m going to print some of the ones I have digitally from teenage years to […]
  • Easter
    My Easter was simple as usual. I was alone. In the past I would often go to my late Mothers who would make a nice three course meal with Roast dinner. This year I made some effort by making my own three course meal. I had tomato soup, a microwavable roast dinner and some chocolate […]
  • Wobble
    I had a wobble earlier this week when I had feelings of wanting to die. I think the news was upsetting me and made me think of a dark future. I have started using an app that limits my use of reading the news (it blocks UK news sites) and stops me using social media. […]
  • Home Away From People
    I wouldn’t say I have ever been a people person. Sometimes I have done better when I am desperate to please people. I don’t feel the need to please people anymore. I have no ambitions and I accept the faulty individual I am. It’s fair to say I have less tolerance for people these days. […]
  • Basildon Day Trip
    It was strange going into Basildon Town centre today as I saw the fountain where I used to sit when I got leave from hospital. It felt different this time because I’m in a better place now. It meant so much to me that fountain. Now I feel I have started early retirement. Society is […]
  • Doing Better
    I feel more relaxed in my home now, especially as Spring is beginning. I am looking forward to the summer. When I moved in September I needed to get a lot of things in order to make this place my home. Many days it was overwhelming as I had no support. I shared this journey […]
  • Tired of Sociatial Pressure
    I find now being on the Paliperidone depot I have less bandwidth to do things. Doing the domestic chores and a walk is close to my limit. In 2019 I was on a low dose of quetiapine but could do more like run marathons. I feel happier now and can settle on this – if […]
  • Grateful Of Home
    These days I feel very grateful living alone in my flat. I experience a lot of peace and quiet. Something I didn’t get when I was homeless in hospital for 4.5 months hospital and then a hotel for 6 weeks. At the moment I just feel I want to hide away from people. I don’t […]
  • Life Thoughts
    I find these days I’m a lot more at peace with my life. I feel like I have got a lot of my answers philosophically and spiritually. I feel I have lived. These days I’m just focused on staying well and avoiding triggers. I’m hopeful there is a heaven where I can meet my relatives. […]
  • 1 Year Anniversary
    It was actually this time last year I was sectioned into a psychiatric hospital. The Ukraine war had really scared me and I started watching BBC News too much. I couldn’t sleep so was going into the lounge to watch more News. My drop in concentration meant I missed my medication. I believe coming off […]
  • Grateful But Fearful
    I spent so much time last year homeless, dreaming of a future where I would have use of my own kitchen and bathroom. Having a bedroom where I could chill out with Star Trek. I sit here now happily with a cup of tea listening to white noise from the Enterprise appreciating this. This Spring/Summer […]
  • Suicidal Urges
    I don’t know if other people get suicidal thoughts much.Though sometimes I get the thought to end it. Like this evening I have the thought of just picking up my rope, making a hangman noose and ending it.I won’t tonight. Having it all there just gives me peace. As I can move on. I am […]
  • Lithium Reduced
    As permitted by the psychiatrist I lowered my Lithium dose from 1000mg to 800mg on Monday night. I think I am seeing a benefit. I feel less worn out in the morning. I seem to have got into Aldi earlier than usual this week. My motivation is low which I think is partly due to […]
  • Taking Medication
    Alexa has reminded me to refill my nightly weekly pillbox. Seems I will be out of 1000mg Lithium on Sunday. So will start 800mg of Lithium Monday. I’m hopeing I will have more spoons to do things. I’m not necessarily convinced the medication helps as much as it hinders. My mind is too dependant to […]
  • Gratitude and Sadness
    One thing I have to remind myself is I am free from not making money. Money to me is much like Star Trek in it’s use of basic accounting for resources. Most people aren’t free from that and are fully engrossed in the Neoliberal World Order. I really appreciate having a home and had the […]
  • Reflections
    I have lurched from uncertainty to crisis in my life. Many identities have been assigned to me by others and by myself. Like the circles here. There was a force like gravity at my core that kept it all together. That core light was revealed to me in my most darkest moments. I never grew […]
  • My Search for acceptance
    I’m possible. A Venn diagram of the barriers I face in meeting people that will accept me.
  • My Diagnosis
    I was formally assessed and diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) in 2019. Usually when I’ve been in a psychiatric hospital I’m treated as a patient with diagnosed Schizoaffective disorder that occurred in 2012. Although I have been sectioned 5 times since my ASD diagnosis it was only in my last admission in 2022 that […]
  • Pressure to Conform
    I think there is a huge pressure to conform. Even among members of marginalised groups. I’m incapable of conforming except from my own rational reason or due to capitulating from oppressive state violence. It’s probably one reason why I am alone. That’s not to say I can’t be respectful. If I understand the logic of […]
  • My Dark Matter Problem
    I’m aware many Autistic people don’t believe in the Theory of Mind deficits and I respect that.I’m not so sure.I don’t believe I have a theory of mind at all. Perhaps that’s not due to autism but something else. I for a number of years have described it as my dark matter problem. Dark matter […]
  • Not a People Person
    I’m come to the conclusion I am not a people person but I value the importance of sharing, community and helping each other.Going to Church was a sea change for me last year but I felt it was important to me to have a link with a church given that I believe in Christ’s teachings. […]
  • SodaStream Joy
    One of the things that gives me so much Autistic joy is my SodaStream. A SodaStream machine contains a gas cylinder of carbon dioxide that you apply to water. You then add a syrup (flavour) to the fizzy water. I enjoy making them and I like the bubbles. I often make 1 bottle (1 litre […]
  • Not Optimistic About New year
    I can’t say I feel optimistic about a happy new year. I’m amazed I’m actually seeing the new year without being homeless. It went on for too long. I guess after this year I’m dreading what next year has in store for me. I have been very badly beaten down emotionally this year. Spending 4.5 […]
  • Lower Class Judgements
    People in Britain seem to always have a very tough attitude against the lower classes and people on low incomes. Seem to always have the right answers from high above. Yet many I don’t think could handle the tough measures they dish out. From famous people, politicians, media people, academics, and doctors. You often find […]
  • Incorrect Social Moves
    I’ve noticed more since my autism diagnosis that I don’t fit in. It’s very obvious to me now I’m not displaying the right social moves to be accepted. More than I realise. I think it takes people time to accept me. Like I think in my church they seem to be warming to me. One […]
  • Bad Memory
    Sometimes I have bad memories that come to the surface. Today I was thinking of the time I passed out outside my front door at my former home. Neighbour called an ambulance who took me to hospital without my shoes, wallet and mobile phone. When I came to in hospital I don’t remember much. I […]
  • Autistic Leper
    I have an interesting interplay that goes on in Church. I often explain myself to members by saying I’m Autistic. Whether that’s to reason why I don’t work or how I came to Church this year by reading the Bible in a psychiatric hospital. One has said to me they don’t use labels and another […]

Medication

  • Medication Side Effects
    I have been taking psychiatric medication since 2010. I was on anti-depressants until 2016 and have been on anti-psychotics since 2011. I took a break from all my medication except Lithium in 2016 for almost a year and managed to lose 35KG in weight. The anti-depressants I have tried are Escitalopram, Cymbalta, Desvenlafaxine, Mirtazapine and […]
  • Addictions, Dependencies and Vices
    I think virtually everyone has at least an addiction, dependency or vice. As an undiagnosed Autistic child I liked to consistently eat and drink the same things. I think my Mother noticed this so I was made to drank Orange squash and Tea. She kept me away from sweets and fizzy drinks. I still eat […]
  • Medication Messaging
    Sometimes I think I give mix messages on here about medication. If my autism was diagnosed before 2010 and I had adjustments in my career then I may have not needed medication. If I was to win the lottery tomorrow I don’t think I would need medication in future. Though I would need to fund […]
  • Lithium Reduced
    As permitted by the psychiatrist I lowered my Lithium dose from 1000mg to 800mg on Monday night. I think I am seeing a benefit. I feel less worn out in the morning. I seem to have got into Aldi earlier than usual this week. My motivation is low which I think is partly due to […]
  • Mark 12:17
    Some Pharisees and Herodians were sent to Jesus to catch him in his words. They came to him and said, “Teacher, we know that you are a man of integrity. You aren’t swayed by others, because you pay no attention to who they are; but you teach the way of God in accordance with the […]
  • Taking Medication
    Alexa has reminded me to refill my nightly weekly pillbox. Seems I will be out of 1000mg Lithium on Sunday. So will start 800mg of Lithium Monday. I’m hopeing I will have more spoons to do things. I’m not necessarily convinced the medication helps as much as it hinders. My mind is too dependant to […]

Meditation

  • Mindfulness to Contemplative Prayer
    I have wrote previously how I have been reading about Buddhism and meditating again. In 2019, I first read the book The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living which contains a western perspective of a psychiatrist in discussion with the Dalai Lama. It introduced me to some teachings of Buddhism that I found intriguing […]

Mental Health Services

  • Some Improvement with Meds & Buddhism
    Things have been rather more difficult in the last few months. Though since I had my 4 weekly Paliperidone depot increased from 50mg to 75mg almost 3 weeks ago I have been feeling more calmer. I seem more at ease and less scared of the future. I do though still feel the future looks bleak. […]
  • Star Trek Voyager: Displaced
    I’ve watched the episode ‘Displaced’ from #StarTrek Voyager. In this episode the crew are slowly replaced by aliens and find themselves in a new habitat. Eventually all the crew are put in this new habitat. This new habitat the crew find themselves in is peaceful, beautiful, has food and Earths cultural database from their ship […]
  • Spiritual Beliefs in Hospital
    [Twitter Thread] I do feel psychiatric hospitals need to cater more for those with Spiritual and Religious beliefs. Principally I feel they should provide some access to religious texts. The Bible has been very helpful to my recoveries as well as soothing. I think the best way to do this is for.. every hospital to […]
  • Medication Side Effects
    I have been taking psychiatric medication since 2010. I was on anti-depressants until 2016 and have been on anti-psychotics since 2011. I took a break from all my medication except Lithium in 2016 for almost a year and managed to lose 35KG in weight. The anti-depressants I have tried are Escitalopram, Cymbalta, Desvenlafaxine, Mirtazapine and […]
  • A Solitary Life
    My life is largely one of solitude. Solitude is is a state of seclusion or isolation, meaning lack of socialisation. I spend an hour and a half at Church every Sunday morning in worship and in the last month I begun volunteering in a homeless charity for 4 hours on a Tuesday. However, I usually […]
  • Negative Feedback Loops
    Many of us who are Autistic also experience mental illness. Even if we don’t experience mental illness an Autistic person usually will experience similar barriers to someone with mental illness. These barriers can include social exclusion, stigma, discrimination, a lack of accessibility and no accommodations. In this blog, I am going to discuss Negative Feedback […]
  • Psych Memories: 2015
    This may contain upsetting content about suicide. Please don’t read this if you think it will trigger you. This is first of a series of blog posts I will write about my past in using mental health services. NHS mental health services have improved in some areas and got worse in other areas here. I […]
  • Emergency Bag
    I have been in psychiatric hospitals many times in my life. At least once a year since 2010 but it has been known to happen several times in one year. My stay is usually between 2 to 6 weeks. Though sometimes it has been a week or for several months. Since my Mum and Stepdad […]
  • The Lord’s Supper
    Over the last 13 years I have been in and out of psychiatric hospitals for all kinds of reasons. What often helped get me better was the consistency of hospital. I could always count on supper in the evening. Supper usually occurs at around 8pm. The NHS has little funds or staff at this time […]
  • Psychosis 2023
    I recently had an episode of psychosis that hospitalised me once again. I’ve titled this post as ‘Psychosis 2023’ as I have had an episode of psychosis every year since 2017 with the exception of 2018. Unfortunately in 2017 I had 3 episodes and 3 hospitalisations over a period of 3 months. The episodes are […]
  • Horses for Courses
    I started a short MS Teams course today with my Trust on Anxiety and Social skills. I’ve done a lot of these kinds of courses since 2010. Anxiety was explained and we were introduced to CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy), ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) and SMART goals. I once had an interest in ACT. I […]
  • DIM US Framework
    I was feeling traumatised this morning and needed an outlet for my experiences. So I have created my alternative “Recovery in the Bin” inspired framework that attempts to mirror the realities compared to the CHIME Framework for personal recovery. I call it the ‘DIM US’ framework #RITB. I think the CHIME framework is a nice […]
  • Hospital Hell
    When I was in hospital for 4 and a half months homeless (my section ended after 6 weeks). I was triggered an awful number of times. Sometimes it was the other patients who were struggling and were triggered. Most of the times it was the staff who triggered me. A large part of my triggers […]
  • Hospital Memory
    The #dispatches documentary reminded me of some memories in hospital last year. I remember at one point the staff said we would have to sign before we could go and eat a meal. I refused to sign and said I would stop eating. Other patients then said the same. They backed down. At one point […]
  • Why my mental health care fails
    I’ve struggled a lot in the mind for a long time.  It wasn’t until a breakdown in 2010 when I lived in Australia that I begun treatment from psychiatry. As a result of my mental illness, my relationship in Australia ended and I returned to the UK in 2013 to be with family. Before I […]
  • Psych Hospitals
    I think it’s sad people are dieing in psych hospitals. I think there should at least be separate wards for people severally suicidal and those who aren’t. This one size fits all policy is creating very sterile wards with no therapeutic benefit whatsoever. A ward where the rules prevent you doing almost anything including personal […]
  • Christ-centred Care
    When I was in a psych hospital homeless for 4 and a half months I didn’t get person-centred care. Though it could have been worse. I decided to double down on my new found faith by providing myself with Christ-centred care. During that time no information was shared about where I was going.I wasn’t sure […]
  • Why Does My Care Fail?
    Why does my care fail? If you follow me you are probably aware I have been sectioned and hospitalised many times. Fundamentally I would say it’s our Neoliberal and market fundamentalist culture which is the root cause. Though I’ll avoid an overtly philosophical discussion. The principal issue for a lot of my hospitalisations initially were […]
  • Supported Work Placements
    I have good discrete math skills mainly in algorithms. I believe the challenge many like me have is lack of workplace adjustments. Benefits flexibility, Part time, remote working, some flexible accomodations and social accommodations etc.. What I think would be useful are IPS (Individual Placement and Support) workers that are trained autism mentors.Who can do […]
  • Mental Health Call
    I had another one of these phone calls from duty yesterday. It lasted 3 minutes 17 seconds. This person was a bit more empathetic than the last one. I guess she had more time to demonstrate it. I was asked if I take drugs. I swear to God I have never smoked let alone taken […]

Mental illness

  • Typical Days
    I had a nice day today. Exactly what I needed. I went for a short walk and stayed alone at home. Watched Television, mainly dogs, The Simpsons and sometimes news on in background. I did reading of CS Lewis in Christianity. Will do some Bible reading shortly and prayers. That’s how most of my days […]
  • Hidden Suicide?
    I have often blogged about my own episodes of psychosis, autism and mental illness experiences on Twitter and on this blog. The people I follow and naturally the algorithm serves up news of other peoples death by suicide, neglect or other reasons. Quite often I have noticed people that have killed themselves have had their […]
  • My Prayer Life
    I had an atheist upbringing. Although my late Mother was brought up as Catholic she chose not to go to Church once she wasn’t forced to by her Mother. It’s not to say I knew nothing about religion, I did Religious studies at school and some of Mothers values passed down were Christian. It was […]
  • Surviving
    [7 Part Twitter Thread] Surviving can be defined as continuing to live or exist in spite of (an accident or ordeal). As someone with a diagnosis of Autism and Schitzoaffective Disorder surviving is what I seem to excel at. It has taken me time but I have learnt to accept survival is the best I […]
  • Mania and Hypomania
    Mania is a condition in which you have a period of abnormally elevated, extreme changes in your mood or emotions, energy level or activity level. Hypomania is milder form of Mania and may only last a few days. A feature of my Schizoaffective Disorder diagnosis that I have experienced is Mania and Hypomania. Sometimes the Mania […]
  • Psychosis: A Heart Attack of the Mind
    Previously I wrote about Mindblindness and how it can lead to me experiencing paranoia. Some would argue that I am just experiencing mild psychosis or extreme anxiety. In any case, it is something I have to live with for a long time that has got worse over the years. Though it tends to affect me […]
  • Mindblindness
    Mindblindness is the inability to attribute mental states such as thoughts, desires, knowledge, and intentions to self and others, and to make sense of and predict another person’s behaviour. I believe I am partially mind blind. Mind blind is a theory that Autistic people lack or have a developmental delay in Theory of Mind. I […]
  • Heresy and Market Fundamentalism
    Heresy is a belief or opinion contrary to orthodox religious (usually Christian) doctrine. The Spanish Inquisition was about identifying a person believing in or practising religious heresy (e.g. not believing in the Catholic faith). Similar persecution occurred in the UK against Catholics that were not Protestant. Believing differently to the mainstream view of the present is always going […]
  • I’m a Political Football
    As someone with a severe mental illness* and being Autistic I have increasingly realised how vulnerable I am. Not just due to the nature of my conditions that have social disadvantages from being not accepted and ostracised but also in relation to my lack of political power. Things like money, social status and memberships can […]
  • Things Going Reasonably Well Considering
    Things in my life seem to be going reasonably at well at present compared to previous experiences in my life. I have a quiet and peaceful home after all. I am fortunate to live alone. Last year I was homeless for 4 and half months in a psychiatric hospital. Psychiatric hospitals have restrictions that make […]
  • Musings on my Existence
    I find the demands of society stressful. Particularly in relating to people and those in authority. People are selfish and I find I can never please them. Whatever I do it’s not good enough. In many situations often find myself alone, not fitting in and sometimes even bullied. I find my current setup the most […]
  • Mindfulness to Contemplative Prayer
    I have wrote previously how I have been reading about Buddhism and meditating again. In 2019, I first read the book The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living which contains a western perspective of a psychiatrist in discussion with the Dalai Lama. It introduced me to some teachings of Buddhism that I found intriguing […]
  • Expecting Death Soon
    You only have to put on the television to see how awful the world is becoming in 2023. It is truly becoming hell on earth. Even in a rich country like the US the gap between the Rich and Poor is so huge that you hear of many people on the street with no medical […]
  • Some Improvement with Meds & Buddhism
    Things have been rather more difficult in the last few months. Though since I had my 4 weekly Paliperidone depot increased from 50mg to 75mg almost 3 weeks ago I have been feeling more calmer. I seem more at ease and less scared of the future. I do though still feel the future looks bleak. […]
  • No Win Scenario
    If I could relive my life again I would love to be born from rich parents who loved me, who had loads of contacts and also were part of a Church family. Why? I wouldn’t be so much for the material things but in having opportunities I never had. People that have this can often […]
  • Suicide Attempt and Med Changes
    In early September we had a heatwave in Southend-on-Sea, England. I live in a upper level flat surrounded by flats next to me, above me and below me. The back of my flat is sealed by a bathroom and kitchen. It stays lovely and warm in winter but as I discovered in this first summer […]
  • Strange New Worlds: Spock Amok
    Continuing my viewing of #StarTrek #StrangeNewWorlds I watched ‘Spock Amok’. In this episode Spock’s mind meld with his wife goes wrong and they swap bodies. On a diplomatic mission Pike is trying to convince an alien race to become a member of the Federation. The prospective alien race for Federation membership appears to mirror the […]
  • Star Trek Voyager: Endgame
    I’m watching the #StarTrek Voyager series finale ‘Endgame’ tonight. It’s a good episode. I almost shed a tear to see Tuvok in a care home. Janeway was very kind to him when visiting. I imagine the Federation in the 24th century is more enlightened in care than today. It’s a funny premise of an episode. […]
  • Star Trek Voyager: The Gift
    Continuing my #StarTrek Voyager rewatch I have finished ‘The Gift’. In this episode ‘7’ has to come to terms with leaving the Borg collective and has many operations to remove implants.Meanwhile Kes is evolving at the Quantum level (beyond our understanding) but is viewed as ill. 7 was assimilated by the Borg as a child […]
  • Star Trek Voyager: Scorpion
    I’m watching the #StarTrek Voyager 2 part ep ‘Scorpion’.In this episode Voyager enters Borg space and discovers the Borg is at war with Species 8472. The Borg are losing the war as 8472 is advanced and can’t be assimilated.The Borg have to assimilate their enemies to defeat them. Voyager uses the Empirical scientific method to […]
  • My Experiences and this Blog
    I don’t get much social contact these days. The service on Sundays at Church, my care coordinator every fortnight and you people on here. I really appreciate my interactions on here (Twitter) – so thank you. I don’t think I would cope with much of a social life anyway. I find people hard work these […]
  • Colonialism in the UK Today
    I have previously written about how I feel the Social Contract needs to be more fair in the UK. This is especially true for Autistic and Mad people. Although in recent history, Mad people have had greater liberties by being able to live in the community rather than in Asylums or long stay hospitals. Today […]
  • Medication Side Effects
    I have been taking psychiatric medication since 2010. I was on anti-depressants until 2016 and have been on anti-psychotics since 2011. I took a break from all my medication except Lithium in 2016 for almost a year and managed to lose 35KG in weight. The anti-depressants I have tried are Escitalopram, Cymbalta, Desvenlafaxine, Mirtazapine and […]
  • A Solitary Life
    My life is largely one of solitude. Solitude is is a state of seclusion or isolation, meaning lack of socialisation. I spend an hour and a half at Church every Sunday morning in worship and in the last month I begun volunteering in a homeless charity for 4 hours on a Tuesday. However, I usually […]
  • Negative Feedback Loops
    Many of us who are Autistic also experience mental illness. Even if we don’t experience mental illness an Autistic person usually will experience similar barriers to someone with mental illness. These barriers can include social exclusion, stigma, discrimination, a lack of accessibility and no accommodations. In this blog, I am going to discuss Negative Feedback […]
  • The Making of Comparisons
    What if I say said to you, that you don’t need to work and can live on a government pension with your housing paid for a year or two? To a lot of people that would sound like a dream and many would take it up. Most people may feel they have a lot to […]
  • Psych Memories: 2015
    This may contain upsetting content about suicide. Please don’t read this if you think it will trigger you. This is first of a series of blog posts I will write about my past in using mental health services. NHS mental health services have improved in some areas and got worse in other areas here. I […]
  • Emergency Bag
    I have been in psychiatric hospitals many times in my life. At least once a year since 2010 but it has been known to happen several times in one year. My stay is usually between 2 to 6 weeks. Though sometimes it has been a week or for several months. Since my Mum and Stepdad […]
  • Stigma and Loneliness
    As someone who is Autistic and diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder the challenges of stigma and loneliness are something I share in common with others with psychiatric conditions. I use the term Autistic – it’s more to me than just a psychiatric condition. My experience maybe more or less severe than others. I had 12 rounds […]
  • Thoughts on Attitudes
    In Britain I have often found the incompassionate coldness and passive aggressiveness of many people something that has caused me to slip into suicidal thoughts. Meanwhile in Australia the toxic positivity culture seemed to not take depression seriously either. I can see why very rich people buy themselves a false sense of reality and constantly […]
  • Staying Well
    I have been diagnosed with Autism and Schizoaffective Disorder so staying well is my main priority. I tend to follow set routines and habits as it’s what I prefer from being Autistic and it also regulates my mood. I have had a history of depression and mania so ensuring I don’t get too upset or […]
  • Psychosis 2023
    I recently had an episode of psychosis that hospitalised me once again. I’ve titled this post as ‘Psychosis 2023’ as I have had an episode of psychosis every year since 2017 with the exception of 2018. Unfortunately in 2017 I had 3 episodes and 3 hospitalisations over a period of 3 months. The episodes are […]
  • The Social Contract
    Developing my understanding of Social Contract theory was a milestone in my recovery. A Social Contract is where people live together in society in accordance with an agreement that establishes moral & political rules of behaviour. E.g. Law in Social security, housing, crime, tax etc. What I realised from my own experiences was that the […]
  • DIM US Framework
    I was feeling traumatised this morning and needed an outlet for my experiences. So I have created my alternative “Recovery in the Bin” inspired framework that attempts to mirror the realities compared to the CHIME Framework for personal recovery. I call it the ‘DIM US’ framework #RITB. I think the CHIME framework is a nice […]
  • Wobble
    I had a wobble earlier this week when I had feelings of wanting to die. I think the news was upsetting me and made me think of a dark future. I have started using an app that limits my use of reading the news (it blocks UK news sites) and stops me using social media. […]
  • Why my mental health care fails
    I’ve struggled a lot in the mind for a long time.  It wasn’t until a breakdown in 2010 when I lived in Australia that I begun treatment from psychiatry. As a result of my mental illness, my relationship in Australia ended and I returned to the UK in 2013 to be with family. Before I […]
  • Why Does My Care Fail?
    Why does my care fail? If you follow me you are probably aware I have been sectioned and hospitalised many times. Fundamentally I would say it’s our Neoliberal and market fundamentalist culture which is the root cause. Though I’ll avoid an overtly philosophical discussion. The principal issue for a lot of my hospitalisations initially were […]

Philosophy

  • Typical Days
    I had a nice day today. Exactly what I needed. I went for a short walk and stayed alone at home. Watched Television, mainly dogs, The Simpsons and sometimes news on in background. I did reading of CS Lewis in Christianity. Will do some Bible reading shortly and prayers. That’s how most of my days […]
  • Austerity and Stoicism
    Since the banking crisis of 2008, times have became increasingly more difficult for many people in Britain and the world. Since 2010 the “free at the point of use” NHS has declined as a health service where it is no longer number 1 in the world for many categories. The NHS waiting list was around […]
  • The Rich and AI
    For a very long time the three factors of production in classical economics were Land or natural resources, Labour and Capital. Today the four factors for production in a modern economy are Land, Labour, Capital and Entrepreneurship. Marx had similar views to the classical economists. Since the late 20th Century much automation has removed the […]
  • A Middle Class Closed Shop
    I was born in a Working Class family. My grandparents and parents were Working Class who lived in council houses before they bought him. Research of my family tree suggests many before me were brick layers and factory workers. When I was growing up it was clear to me as technology became more automated that […]
  • I’m a Political Football
    As someone with a severe mental illness* and being Autistic I have increasingly realised how vulnerable I am. Not just due to the nature of my conditions that have social disadvantages from being not accepted and ostracised but also in relation to my lack of political power. Things like money, social status and memberships can […]
  • Things Going Reasonably Well Considering
    Things in my life seem to be going reasonably at well at present compared to previous experiences in my life. I have a quiet and peaceful home after all. I am fortunate to live alone. Last year I was homeless for 4 and half months in a psychiatric hospital. Psychiatric hospitals have restrictions that make […]
  • Expecting Death Soon
    You only have to put on the television to see how awful the world is becoming in 2023. It is truly becoming hell on earth. Even in a rich country like the US the gap between the Rich and Poor is so huge that you hear of many people on the street with no medical […]
  • Some Improvement with Meds & Buddhism
    Things have been rather more difficult in the last few months. Though since I had my 4 weekly Paliperidone depot increased from 50mg to 75mg almost 3 weeks ago I have been feeling more calmer. I seem more at ease and less scared of the future. I do though still feel the future looks bleak. […]
  • Money and Currency
    Money such as £€¥$ is created by the government digitally and some of it is printed as paper. It has no material value except what we believe it’s worth. Governments often create more of it when needed. In recent years much of it has gone to bankers and the ultra wealthy. However, too much money […]
  • Star Trek Voyager: The Gift
    Continuing my #StarTrek Voyager rewatch I have finished ‘The Gift’. In this episode ‘7’ has to come to terms with leaving the Borg collective and has many operations to remove implants.Meanwhile Kes is evolving at the Quantum level (beyond our understanding) but is viewed as ill. 7 was assimilated by the Borg as a child […]
  • Star Trek Voyager: Scorpion
    I’m watching the #StarTrek Voyager 2 part ep ‘Scorpion’.In this episode Voyager enters Borg space and discovers the Borg is at war with Species 8472. The Borg are losing the war as 8472 is advanced and can’t be assimilated.The Borg have to assimilate their enemies to defeat them. Voyager uses the Empirical scientific method to […]
  • Star Trek Voyager: Distant Origin
    I’m watching the episode ‘Distant Origin’ from #StarTrek Voyager. It’s an episode based on similar controversy of Galileo Galilei in the 1500’s when he argued the earth revolved around the sun rather than the earth being the center. The Catholic church was upset by this polymath. In this episode Voyager meets aliens that were former […]
  • What is the point of me?
    A question I have often asked myself is what is the point of my life? It’s took me a long time to find an answer. Initially, I thought the point was to get an education. So I got a university education with a degree in Computer Science. I then thought it was to be a […]
  • Colonialism in the UK Today
    I have previously written about how I feel the Social Contract needs to be more fair in the UK. This is especially true for Autistic and Mad people. Although in recent history, Mad people have had greater liberties by being able to live in the community rather than in Asylums or long stay hospitals. Today […]
  • Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and Spiral Dynamics
    In this blog, I’m going to introduce Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and Spiral Dynamics. I will briefly explain each of these psychological theories and how I use them to manage my Psycho-Social challenges that come with being Autistic. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is a motivational theory in psychology comprising of 5 or 6 levels of […]
  • Book Review: Simply Christian
    I’ve recently read the book ‘Simply Christian‘ by Tom Wright. Tom Wright is the pen name for N.T. Wright. The author uses his middle name for his books aimed at the mass audience. N.T. Wright is a New Testament scholar and was the Bishop of Durham from 2003 to 2010 for the Church of England. […]
  • Stoicism and Early Christianity
    In some ways I feel like my life has mirrored early Christians. I embraced Stocism to get into running and eventually did marathons like the Corinthians. Then I’ve given way to Christianity. Stoicism flourished under the Roman Empire until Christianity became the state religion. I was inspired by quotes and meditations of Seneca, Epictetus and […]
  • Book Reviews: May 2023
    I have recently read two books. One was ‘Struggling with God: Mental Health and Christian Spirituality‘ and the other is ‘The Heritage of Anglican Theology‘. Struggling with God: Mental Health and Christian Spirituality I am diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder and Autism Spectrum Disorder. I have had mental health issues for a very long time. I […]
  • Social Sins
    When I talk of Sin many of us may think of the Ten Commandments in the Bible such as “Thou shalt not kill”. Many societies practise that commandment internally and newer rules develop to deal with new challenges that each century brings us. A common widely held sin today is “Claiming state benefits”. There is […]
  • The Social Contract
    Developing my understanding of Social Contract theory was a milestone in my recovery. A Social Contract is where people live together in society in accordance with an agreement that establishes moral & political rules of behaviour. E.g. Law in Social security, housing, crime, tax etc. What I realised from my own experiences was that the […]
  • Game Theory
    In 2017, I learned about Game Theory. It was a shocking but exciting revelation. I lost my innocence in that I understood that people can play games. This was when I finally started to make sense of people and that socialising can be a complex equation. Game theory is a branch of applied maths that […]
  • Finding Meaning
    The last decade I have lived on my own with the exception of 6 months with my ex-bf. Its felt like being in a space capsule with away missions. Over time I have consumed a library on the internet of the greatest thinkers, music, film, art, history, science and still not done yet. I’m not […]
  • The Economy is a Casino
    A way of describing my #ActuallyAutistic life is like being trapped in a casino with no exit. Since I don’t have a job the casino gives me money to play.Sometimes I have to play to fit in but these days I’m focused on life support – essentials & small unnecessary luxuries. I’ve never been to […]

Physical Media

  • Analysis: Owning or Streaming Video
    In this blog article I am going to share my analysis of streaming video content and owning it. It’s clear streaming is getting more expensive and having your eggs all in one basket could prove costly in the long term. I don’t just mean subscribing to multiple streaming platforms but being entirely dependant on streaming […]
  • Collecting Movies
    This year I have been slowly building up a Blu-ray film collection to add to my Star Trek collection. I see this as a once in a generation chance to buy movies in high definition at rock bottom prices. I don’t find I need to stream. The only challenge with physical media is storage. Though […]
  • Organising my DVDs
    I created some cards for my blu-ray/dvd wallets so I can move my Star Trek TNG Boxset over. Planning to do the same for all my Star Trek Boxset. I should get an entire shelf free on my bookshelf doing this. I might not chuck the packaging straight away incase I change my mind. I […]

Psychology

  • Reflections on Last Year
    The last year has been a strange but also a humbling experience. Living homeless in a psychiatric ward for 4 and half months (although only sectioned for 6 weeks) meant I had few luxuries & privileges.I’m redefining luxuries here for many.Going out to the fountain to drink Pepsi in Basildon town centre was a luxury. […]
  • Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and Spiral Dynamics
    In this blog, I’m going to introduce Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and Spiral Dynamics. I will briefly explain each of these psychological theories and how I use them to manage my Psycho-Social challenges that come with being Autistic. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is a motivational theory in psychology comprising of 5 or 6 levels of […]
  • Addictions, Dependencies and Vices
    I think virtually everyone has at least an addiction, dependency or vice. As an undiagnosed Autistic child I liked to consistently eat and drink the same things. I think my Mother noticed this so I was made to drank Orange squash and Tea. She kept me away from sweets and fizzy drinks. I still eat […]

Society

  • Thoughts on Communion
    I do appreciate participating in Holy Communion at Church on Sundays. I find with my condition and unemployment I am stigmatised and demonised by much of the media and thus society. Confessing our sins each week at Communion helps me let go of such negativity and ill feeling. Eating the bread and drinking the wine […]
  • Typical Days
    I had a nice day today. Exactly what I needed. I went for a short walk and stayed alone at home. Watched Television, mainly dogs, The Simpsons and sometimes news on in background. I did reading of CS Lewis in Christianity. Will do some Bible reading shortly and prayers. That’s how most of my days […]
  • Hidden Suicide?
    I have often blogged about my own episodes of psychosis, autism and mental illness experiences on Twitter and on this blog. The people I follow and naturally the algorithm serves up news of other peoples death by suicide, neglect or other reasons. Quite often I have noticed people that have killed themselves have had their […]
  • Austerity and Stoicism
    Since the banking crisis of 2008, times have became increasingly more difficult for many people in Britain and the world. Since 2010 the “free at the point of use” NHS has declined as a health service where it is no longer number 1 in the world for many categories. The NHS waiting list was around […]
  • The Rich and AI
    For a very long time the three factors of production in classical economics were Land or natural resources, Labour and Capital. Today the four factors for production in a modern economy are Land, Labour, Capital and Entrepreneurship. Marx had similar views to the classical economists. Since the late 20th Century much automation has removed the […]
  • A Middle Class Closed Shop
    I was born in a Working Class family. My grandparents and parents were Working Class who lived in council houses before they bought him. Research of my family tree suggests many before me were brick layers and factory workers. When I was growing up it was clear to me as technology became more automated that […]
  • Surviving
    [7 Part Twitter Thread] Surviving can be defined as continuing to live or exist in spite of (an accident or ordeal). As someone with a diagnosis of Autism and Schitzoaffective Disorder surviving is what I seem to excel at. It has taken me time but I have learnt to accept survival is the best I […]
  • Worthy
    [6 Part Twitter Thread] A big part of my life was trying to be worthy. Today many in society measure worth in terms of how much money you have or what job title you have. I have had jobs in the past experiencing burnout and breakdown.As the occupation I was trained in become less accessible […]
  • Heresy and Market Fundamentalism
    Heresy is a belief or opinion contrary to orthodox religious (usually Christian) doctrine. The Spanish Inquisition was about identifying a person believing in or practising religious heresy (e.g. not believing in the Catholic faith). Similar persecution occurred in the UK against Catholics that were not Protestant. Believing differently to the mainstream view of the present is always going […]
  • I’m a Political Football
    As someone with a severe mental illness* and being Autistic I have increasingly realised how vulnerable I am. Not just due to the nature of my conditions that have social disadvantages from being not accepted and ostracised but also in relation to my lack of political power. Things like money, social status and memberships can […]
  • Things Going Reasonably Well Considering
    Things in my life seem to be going reasonably at well at present compared to previous experiences in my life. I have a quiet and peaceful home after all. I am fortunate to live alone. Last year I was homeless for 4 and half months in a psychiatric hospital. Psychiatric hospitals have restrictions that make […]
  • Musings on my Existence
    I find the demands of society stressful. Particularly in relating to people and those in authority. People are selfish and I find I can never please them. Whatever I do it’s not good enough. In many situations often find myself alone, not fitting in and sometimes even bullied. I find my current setup the most […]
  • Expecting Death Soon
    You only have to put on the television to see how awful the world is becoming in 2023. It is truly becoming hell on earth. Even in a rich country like the US the gap between the Rich and Poor is so huge that you hear of many people on the street with no medical […]
  • Some Improvement with Meds & Buddhism
    Things have been rather more difficult in the last few months. Though since I had my 4 weekly Paliperidone depot increased from 50mg to 75mg almost 3 weeks ago I have been feeling more calmer. I seem more at ease and less scared of the future. I do though still feel the future looks bleak. […]
  • No Win Scenario
    If I could relive my life again I would love to be born from rich parents who loved me, who had loads of contacts and also were part of a Church family. Why? I wouldn’t be so much for the material things but in having opportunities I never had. People that have this can often […]
  • Suicide Attempt and Med Changes
    In early September we had a heatwave in Southend-on-Sea, England. I live in a upper level flat surrounded by flats next to me, above me and below me. The back of my flat is sealed by a bathroom and kitchen. It stays lovely and warm in winter but as I discovered in this first summer […]
  • Strange New Worlds: Spock Amok
    Continuing my viewing of #StarTrek #StrangeNewWorlds I watched ‘Spock Amok’. In this episode Spock’s mind meld with his wife goes wrong and they swap bodies. On a diplomatic mission Pike is trying to convince an alien race to become a member of the Federation. The prospective alien race for Federation membership appears to mirror the […]
  • Star Trek Strange New Worlds: Pilot
    I’ve just popped my Blu-ray disc of #StarTrek Strange New Worlds Season 1 into the player. The menu has a beautiful soundtrack.I have seen a few episodes of this last summer when homeless in a hotel. I had a free trial of Paramount+ and watched a few episodes.Engage! Well the theme tune just made a […]
  • Star Trek Voyager: Endgame
    I’m watching the #StarTrek Voyager series finale ‘Endgame’ tonight. It’s a good episode. I almost shed a tear to see Tuvok in a care home. Janeway was very kind to him when visiting. I imagine the Federation in the 24th century is more enlightened in care than today. It’s a funny premise of an episode. […]
  • Star Trek Voyager: Scorpion
    I’m watching the #StarTrek Voyager 2 part ep ‘Scorpion’.In this episode Voyager enters Borg space and discovers the Borg is at war with Species 8472. The Borg are losing the war as 8472 is advanced and can’t be assimilated.The Borg have to assimilate their enemies to defeat them. Voyager uses the Empirical scientific method to […]
  • Star Trek Voyager: Distant Origin
    I’m watching the episode ‘Distant Origin’ from #StarTrek Voyager. It’s an episode based on similar controversy of Galileo Galilei in the 1500’s when he argued the earth revolved around the sun rather than the earth being the center. The Catholic church was upset by this polymath. In this episode Voyager meets aliens that were former […]
  • My Experiences and this Blog
    I don’t get much social contact these days. The service on Sundays at Church, my care coordinator every fortnight and you people on here. I really appreciate my interactions on here (Twitter) – so thank you. I don’t think I would cope with much of a social life anyway. I find people hard work these […]
  • What is the point of me?
    A question I have often asked myself is what is the point of my life? It’s took me a long time to find an answer. Initially, I thought the point was to get an education. So I got a university education with a degree in Computer Science. I then thought it was to be a […]
  • Colonialism in the UK Today
    I have previously written about how I feel the Social Contract needs to be more fair in the UK. This is especially true for Autistic and Mad people. Although in recent history, Mad people have had greater liberties by being able to live in the community rather than in Asylums or long stay hospitals. Today […]
  • Paul
    I often mention my Christian Faith in my blogs but I don’t write about Bible characters. I appreciate most people who read my blog are not believers so this blog might not be something that interests you. My faith has grown to be central to my life so I make no apologies but I do […]
  • Not Living My Full Potential
    I am 39 years of age this year and as is true for many Autistic adults today I don’t feel I have lived my full potential. I don’t feel I am even living anything close to it now. My reasoning is well documented if you read many of my blogs together such as the Social […]
  • Medication Side Effects
    I have been taking psychiatric medication since 2010. I was on anti-depressants until 2016 and have been on anti-psychotics since 2011. I took a break from all my medication except Lithium in 2016 for almost a year and managed to lose 35KG in weight. The anti-depressants I have tried are Escitalopram, Cymbalta, Desvenlafaxine, Mirtazapine and […]
  • A Solitary Life
    My life is largely one of solitude. Solitude is is a state of seclusion or isolation, meaning lack of socialisation. I spend an hour and a half at Church every Sunday morning in worship and in the last month I begun volunteering in a homeless charity for 4 hours on a Tuesday. However, I usually […]
  • Negative Feedback Loops
    Many of us who are Autistic also experience mental illness. Even if we don’t experience mental illness an Autistic person usually will experience similar barriers to someone with mental illness. These barriers can include social exclusion, stigma, discrimination, a lack of accessibility and no accommodations. In this blog, I am going to discuss Negative Feedback […]
  • Reflections on Last Year
    The last year has been a strange but also a humbling experience. Living homeless in a psychiatric ward for 4 and half months (although only sectioned for 6 weeks) meant I had few luxuries & privileges.I’m redefining luxuries here for many.Going out to the fountain to drink Pepsi in Basildon town centre was a luxury. […]
  • Exclusion in Practise
    I’ve talked previously how having your rent paid and living on benefits isn’t a dream. That having found my faith makes me feel fortunate. I have mentioned that what comes with living with autism and being on benefits means there is much Stigma and Loneliness. In this blog, I will try to describe how social […]
  • The Making of Comparisons
    What if I say said to you, that you don’t need to work and can live on a government pension with your housing paid for a year or two? To a lot of people that would sound like a dream and many would take it up. Most people may feel they have a lot to […]
  • Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and Spiral Dynamics
    In this blog, I’m going to introduce Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and Spiral Dynamics. I will briefly explain each of these psychological theories and how I use them to manage my Psycho-Social challenges that come with being Autistic. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is a motivational theory in psychology comprising of 5 or 6 levels of […]
  • Peace with Life
    I’ve been trying really hard in the last year to make peace with life and death. How I was treated homeless was a wake up call. Church, Baptism and volunteering at the homeless charity are all part of that. I’m convinced I could be eliminated by the state at some point. Whether that’s in a […]
  • Commentary on Universal Credit
    Not sure how anyone lives on the standard allowance of Universal Credit of £292.22 a month for under 25 and £368.74 a month for over 25. Usually you need some of it to top up rent payments as housing benefit or UC housing element isn’t enough. Then you have costs like:Food, council tax, electricity, gas, […]
  • Stigma and Loneliness
    As someone who is Autistic and diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder the challenges of stigma and loneliness are something I share in common with others with psychiatric conditions. I use the term Autistic – it’s more to me than just a psychiatric condition. My experience maybe more or less severe than others. I had 12 rounds […]
  • Thoughts on Attitudes
    In Britain I have often found the incompassionate coldness and passive aggressiveness of many people something that has caused me to slip into suicidal thoughts. Meanwhile in Australia the toxic positivity culture seemed to not take depression seriously either. I can see why very rich people buy themselves a false sense of reality and constantly […]
  • Addictions, Dependencies and Vices
    I think virtually everyone has at least an addiction, dependency or vice. As an undiagnosed Autistic child I liked to consistently eat and drink the same things. I think my Mother noticed this so I was made to drank Orange squash and Tea. She kept me away from sweets and fizzy drinks. I still eat […]
  • Book Reviews: May 2023
    I have recently read two books. One was ‘Struggling with God: Mental Health and Christian Spirituality‘ and the other is ‘The Heritage of Anglican Theology‘. Struggling with God: Mental Health and Christian Spirituality I am diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder and Autism Spectrum Disorder. I have had mental health issues for a very long time. I […]
  • Social Sins
    When I talk of Sin many of us may think of the Ten Commandments in the Bible such as “Thou shalt not kill”. Many societies practise that commandment internally and newer rules develop to deal with new challenges that each century brings us. A common widely held sin today is “Claiming state benefits”. There is […]
  • Stigmatising Press
    If the new national sport is to force people like me to work full time, breakdown and fail then I guess play on.Even if you don’t care about my health or life, it will probably cost more to see me burn and probably risk others safety and wellbeing. Around 50+ years ago people like me […]
  • The Kamikaze Worker
    I was thinking today how politicians, media and thus society make the kamikaze worker the ideal standard for human beings. I would define the kamikaze worker as someone who puts work at the center of their life and above their health, family and society. I have often questioned the point of this overwork. It seems […]
  • Dehumanisation
    Dehumanisation is the denial of full humanity in others along with the cruelty and suffering that accompany it. A practical definition refers to it as the viewing and the treatment of other people as though they lack the mental capacities that are commonly attributed to humans. Homelessness in my experience seems to be the delimiter […]
  • The Social Contract
    Developing my understanding of Social Contract theory was a milestone in my recovery. A Social Contract is where people live together in society in accordance with an agreement that establishes moral & political rules of behaviour. E.g. Law in Social security, housing, crime, tax etc. What I realised from my own experiences was that the […]
  • Despair At Injustice
    Content Warning: Deeply triggering for those with mental illness. Contains content that talks about suicide. Since yesterday I felt severely hopeless. Today I did something I have done before. I took my rope, tightened it round my neck and then attached the other end to the bar above my shower screen. Unfortunately I am too […]
  • Tired of Sociatial Pressure
    I find now being on the Paliperidone depot I have less bandwidth to do things. Doing the domestic chores and a walk is close to my limit. In 2019 I was on a low dose of quetiapine but could do more like run marathons. I feel happier now and can settle on this – if […]
  • Gary Lineker
    I have to say the discourse on refugees has really shook me up lately. I’ve felt like Gary Linker for some time on the rhetoric that’s being used. As a mental patient and once homeless I have experienced the harsh attitudes of being treated like vermin. It was validation to me. If the formal human […]
  • Atomised Society
    Social atomisation is the tendency for society to be made up of a collection of self-interested and largely self-sufficient individuals operating as separate atoms. This is different to our experience of human beings as unique and irreplaceable. Social atomisation for many people is being utterly alone yet surrounded by people. I remember when I used […]
  • Social Disability
    As an #ActuallyAutistic person with a diagnosed mental illness I face many social barriers that inhibit my ability to function and live freely. When I say social barriers, I mean constraints imposed from society rather than biological or psychological factors unique to me. A way to accommodate this is through a social model of disability.The […]
  • My Search for acceptance
    I’m possible. A Venn diagram of the barriers I face in meeting people that will accept me.
  • People Like Me
    I don’t have a crystal ball but I often think of different permutations of the future. In a dystopian future I don’t believe people like me will be round up and executed. They wouldn’t want martyrs like Jesus Christ dieing for Christian values. The crucifix would become popular. Though I do think effort could be […]
  • Fascism
    I think the issue many people have with fascism is they think it happens overnight with a declaration. It happens more slowly than that where previously unacceptable behaviour becomes more normalised. Then once one normal is formed another is transitioned to. The Star Wars prequel trilogy is probably the best modern day example of this. […]
  • Lower Class Judgements
    People in Britain seem to always have a very tough attitude against the lower classes and people on low incomes. Seem to always have the right answers from high above. Yet many I don’t think could handle the tough measures they dish out. From famous people, politicians, media people, academics, and doctors. You often find […]

Star Trek

  • Strange New Worlds: Spock Amok
    Continuing my viewing of #StarTrek #StrangeNewWorlds I watched ‘Spock Amok’. In this episode Spock’s mind meld with his wife goes wrong and they swap bodies. On a diplomatic mission Pike is trying to convince an alien race to become a member of the Federation. The prospective alien race for Federation membership appears to mirror the […]
  • Star Trek Strange New Worlds: Pilot
    I’ve just popped my Blu-ray disc of #StarTrek Strange New Worlds Season 1 into the player. The menu has a beautiful soundtrack.I have seen a few episodes of this last summer when homeless in a hotel. I had a free trial of Paramount+ and watched a few episodes.Engage! Well the theme tune just made a […]
  • Star Trek Voyager: Endgame
    I’m watching the #StarTrek Voyager series finale ‘Endgame’ tonight. It’s a good episode. I almost shed a tear to see Tuvok in a care home. Janeway was very kind to him when visiting. I imagine the Federation in the 24th century is more enlightened in care than today. It’s a funny premise of an episode. […]
  • Star Trek Voyager: The Gift
    Continuing my #StarTrek Voyager rewatch I have finished ‘The Gift’. In this episode ‘7’ has to come to terms with leaving the Borg collective and has many operations to remove implants.Meanwhile Kes is evolving at the Quantum level (beyond our understanding) but is viewed as ill. 7 was assimilated by the Borg as a child […]
  • Star Trek Voyager: Scorpion
    I’m watching the #StarTrek Voyager 2 part ep ‘Scorpion’.In this episode Voyager enters Borg space and discovers the Borg is at war with Species 8472. The Borg are losing the war as 8472 is advanced and can’t be assimilated.The Borg have to assimilate their enemies to defeat them. Voyager uses the Empirical scientific method to […]
  • Star Trek Voyager: Worst Case Scenario
    The next #StarTrek Voyager episode I’ve watched is ‘Worst Case Scenario’. I’m not actually picking these episodes – they are all in order of my rewatch of Season 3. In this episode Torres discovers a Holonovel which simulates Chakotay and some members of the crew mutineering. Eventually many crew members decide to try the Holonovel […]
  • Star Trek Voyager: Displaced
    I’ve watched the episode ‘Displaced’ from #StarTrek Voyager. In this episode the crew are slowly replaced by aliens and find themselves in a new habitat. Eventually all the crew are put in this new habitat. This new habitat the crew find themselves in is peaceful, beautiful, has food and Earths cultural database from their ship […]
  • Star Trek Voyager: Distant Origin
    I’m watching the episode ‘Distant Origin’ from #StarTrek Voyager. It’s an episode based on similar controversy of Galileo Galilei in the 1500’s when he argued the earth revolved around the sun rather than the earth being the center. The Catholic church was upset by this polymath. In this episode Voyager meets aliens that were former […]
  • Star Trek TNG: Darmok
    I have been continuing my rewatch of Star Trek The Next Generation and am now up to Season 5. I have found another episode called ‘Darmok’ that strongly related to my own challenges and experiences of Autism.  This is a 14-part thread and please Boost if you enjoy reading. In this episode as described on […]
  • Star Trek TNG: Tin Man
    Today I continued rewatching Season 3 of Star Trek The Next Generation by watching ‘Tin man’. This episode was aired on the 23rd April 1990. As an Autistic person I felt I could relate to the experiences of the three main characters of Tam, Data and Tin Man. This is a 15 part thread and […]
  • Star Trek TNG: The Offspring
    Yesterday I continued rewatching Season 3 of Star Trek The Next Generation by watching ‘The Offspring’. This episode was aired in 1990 and was ahead of its time in some of the current issues it explores.  I found the episode covered issues relevant to today including gender identity, autism, parenting and artificial intelligence.  In this […]
  • Portable Star Trek
    I’m really pleased now I have my Star Trek DVD collection on my MicroSD Card. I’ve been extracting it from disc and compressing it to h264 to my external hard drive for years. At least now if I’m in hospital I won’t need to get WiFi and Netflix – just my phone charged up. It’s […]
  • Star Trek on MicroSD
    My phone broke in November so I was relying on a goodish older phone I had, as I wanted to pay for things in my new home (e.g. washing machine). Though charging it 4+ times a day was a pain – its battery wasn’t good. I’ve replaced it now with a Motorola sim free with […]
  • Star Trek TNG: Who Watches the Watchers
    Recently as I continue my rewatch of Star Trek The Next Generation, I came across the episode “Who Watches the Watchers”.In this episode, the Enterprise must undo the damage when a primitive civilisation discovers a Federation observation team and concludes that the Starfleet personnel are gods. Picard is advised from one of the rescued observation […]
  • Growing Up in Star Trek
    I’ve been watching Star Trek since 1995 when I was 11. It became my #ActuallyAutistic special interest and still is today. From around that age I was considered a geek at school and not popular. I struggled to make any friends except other Star Trek fans. It’s fair to say a lot of my psychosocial […]
  • Data in Star Trek
    I’ve always admired Data and his relationship to Captain Picard. Rewatching Data I notice some of his challenges like his literal interpretation. I’ve often had a literal interpretation myself. His interest in researching most topics is very much me as well. He is the ultimate generalist. Learning more about philosophy with the historical context has […]
  • Star Trek TNG ‘The Measure of a Man’
    This afternoon I have been continuing my rewatch of Star Trek The Next Generation. I’m watching “The Measure of a Man”. In this episode Bruce Maddox wants to take Data away for disassembly and experimentation. Fortunately, Picard, argues for Data’s rights as an individual. Picard received advice from Guinan and she compared Androids in becoming […]
  • The Economy is a Casino
    A way of describing my #ActuallyAutistic life is like being trapped in a casino with no exit. Since I don’t have a job the casino gives me money to play.Sometimes I have to play to fit in but these days I’m focused on life support – essentials & small unnecessary luxuries. I’ve never been to […]
  • Star Trek TNG: The Traveller
    I’m continuing to watch Star Trek TNG season 1. I have stumbled once again on the thoughtful episode of ‘The Traveller’. To be concise an alien takes the Enterprise to distant places of the unknown before returning the ship back to it’s known place of the galaxy. What makes this episode fascinating is it blends […]
  • Star Trek Picard Season 2
    Today I finished my rewatch of Star Trek Picard season 2. The series made alot more sense this time round. Probably because I was previously homeless in a psychiatric hospital watching it on my tablet. It was a very stressful time though as always Star Trek was a great comfort. This was alot better season […]
  • Picard My Dad
    I’m watching Picard Season 2 and Picard feels more like the character I knew in Star Trek The Next Generation in the 90’s. I didn’t have a father so I adopted Picard as my fatherly figure growing up. Picard seemed like a wise man to me. I think I related a lot to Data and […]
  • Star Trek Picard Season 2
    Well I completed my rewatch of Star Trek Picard Season 1. Overall I enjoyed it the 2nd time around more than the 1st. I picked up on alot of the story I missed before. Though I was mentally unwell at the time of its 1st airing due to the lockdowns from the pandemic. I don’t […]
  • How I Got Into Star Trek
    I got into Star Trek as a teenager by spending all my weekly pocket money renting ‘The Next Generation’ from Blockbusters. I used to travel their on my bike. It was also aired on the BBC. I later met a friend at school who owned the entire collection on VHS The home release was 2 […]
  • Star Trek Enterprise Review: Carbon Creek
    In my rewatch of Star Trek Enterprise Season 2, I came across an episode that to some extent embodied the Autistic social struggle of living in modern society. The episode is named ‘Carbon Creek’ and was first aired on the 25th September 2002. In this episode T’Pol tells a story about her great-grandmother and two […]
  • Star Trek Enterprise Review: Dear Doctor
    In my rewatch of Star Trek Enterprise Season 1, a recent episode came to my attention that adds thought to the Autistic struggle for fairer human rights and adjustments. The episode is named “Dear Doctor” and was aired on 23rd January 2002. In this episode the Enterprise crew encounter a planet with two human like […]
  • Star Trek Enterprise Review: Shadows of P’Jem
    I’ve been continuing my rewatch of Enterprise and I just watched the ‘Shadows of P’Jem’. In this episode it’s reported the Andorians destroyed P’Jem (the Vulcan monastery) after discovering it’s a spying station. The Vulcans up the diplomatic pressure by blaming Archer and recalling T’Pol. Later on a planet T’Pol is taken hostage with Archer […]
  • Star Trek Deep Space Nine Review: Favor The Bold
    This evening I continued my screening of multipart episodes of Star Trek Deep Space Nine by viewing Favor The Bold and Sacrifice Of Angels (Season 6, 1997). In this episode Sisko sends a fleet to retake DS9 before the Dominion disarm the mines at the Wormhole. Although Sisko retakes DS9 the mines are disarmed and […]
  • Star Trek Deep Space Nine Review: In and By Inferno’s Light
    Today I continued my screening of multipart episodes of Star Trek DS9 by viewing In and By Inferno’s Light (Season 5, 1997). In these episodes Garak and Worf are captured and interned by the Dominion where they meet Dr Bashir. There is no escape outside the prison dome of the asteroid. Meanwhile Sisko assembles a […]
  • Star Trek Deep Space Nine Review: The Way of the Warrior
    The Way of the Warrior (Season 4, 1995/96) was the next 2 part Star Trek DS9 episode I watched today. As a child it was one of my favourites that I originally owned on VHS mainly for it’s extensive ship battles at the time. In this episode Worf from The Next Generation makes his debut […]
  • Star Trek Deep Space Nine Review: Homefront
    Tonight I continued my screening of multipart episodes of Star Trek DS9 by viewing Homefront and Paradise Lost (Season 4, 1996). In this 2 part episode Sisko and Odo are posted to paradise, also known as Earth, in 2372. Their task was to assist Starfleet in saving paradise from the changeling threat (the founders of […]
  • Star Trek Deep Space Nine Review: Improbable Cause
    This afternoon I continued my screening of multipart episodes of Star Trek DS9 by viewing Improbable Cause and the Die is Cast (Season 3, 1995). In this 2 part episode Garak’s shop is blown up. Garak becomes involved with his formers associates at the Obsidian Order and the Tal Shiar who have a small fleet […]
  • Star Trek Deep Space Nine Review: Past Tense
    Tonight I continued my screening of multipart episodes of Star Trek DS9 by viewing Past Tense (Season 3, 1995). In this 2 part episode the crew are involved in a transporter accident that takes them back to the year 2024. Set in San Francisco, Sisko and Bashir find themselves trapped in a Sanctuary District. Sanctuary […]

TV

  • Star Trek Strange New Worlds: Pilot
    I’ve just popped my Blu-ray disc of #StarTrek Strange New Worlds Season 1 into the player. The menu has a beautiful soundtrack.I have seen a few episodes of this last summer when homeless in a hotel. I had a free trial of Paramount+ and watched a few episodes.Engage! Well the theme tune just made a […]
  • Star Trek Voyager: Endgame
    I’m watching the #StarTrek Voyager series finale ‘Endgame’ tonight. It’s a good episode. I almost shed a tear to see Tuvok in a care home. Janeway was very kind to him when visiting. I imagine the Federation in the 24th century is more enlightened in care than today. It’s a funny premise of an episode. […]
  • Short Reflection on documentary
    Tweet 1 Thank you everyone for expressing thanks for my short bit in #dispatches. I don’t feel up to replying to every one of you. I did spend more time in an interview for the documentary which didn’t make the final cut as there is simply not enough time. The problem with a lot of […]
  • Star Trek TNG: Darmok
    I have been continuing my rewatch of Star Trek The Next Generation and am now up to Season 5. I have found another episode called ‘Darmok’ that strongly related to my own challenges and experiences of Autism.  This is a 14-part thread and please Boost if you enjoy reading. In this episode as described on […]
  • Star Trek TNG: Tin Man
    Today I continued rewatching Season 3 of Star Trek The Next Generation by watching ‘Tin man’. This episode was aired on the 23rd April 1990. As an Autistic person I felt I could relate to the experiences of the three main characters of Tam, Data and Tin Man. This is a 15 part thread and […]
  • Star Trek TNG: The Offspring
    Yesterday I continued rewatching Season 3 of Star Trek The Next Generation by watching ‘The Offspring’. This episode was aired in 1990 and was ahead of its time in some of the current issues it explores.  I found the episode covered issues relevant to today including gender identity, autism, parenting and artificial intelligence.  In this […]
  • Portable Star Trek
    I’m really pleased now I have my Star Trek DVD collection on my MicroSD Card. I’ve been extracting it from disc and compressing it to h264 to my external hard drive for years. At least now if I’m in hospital I won’t need to get WiFi and Netflix – just my phone charged up. It’s […]
  • Star Trek on MicroSD
    My phone broke in November so I was relying on a goodish older phone I had, as I wanted to pay for things in my new home (e.g. washing machine). Though charging it 4+ times a day was a pain – its battery wasn’t good. I’ve replaced it now with a Motorola sim free with […]
  • Star Trek TNG: Who Watches the Watchers
    Recently as I continue my rewatch of Star Trek The Next Generation, I came across the episode “Who Watches the Watchers”.In this episode, the Enterprise must undo the damage when a primitive civilisation discovers a Federation observation team and concludes that the Starfleet personnel are gods. Picard is advised from one of the rescued observation […]
  • Growing Up in Star Trek
    I’ve been watching Star Trek since 1995 when I was 11. It became my #ActuallyAutistic special interest and still is today. From around that age I was considered a geek at school and not popular. I struggled to make any friends except other Star Trek fans. It’s fair to say a lot of my psychosocial […]
  • Data in Star Trek
    I’ve always admired Data and his relationship to Captain Picard. Rewatching Data I notice some of his challenges like his literal interpretation. I’ve often had a literal interpretation myself. His interest in researching most topics is very much me as well. He is the ultimate generalist. Learning more about philosophy with the historical context has […]
  • Star Trek TNG ‘The Measure of a Man’
    This afternoon I have been continuing my rewatch of Star Trek The Next Generation. I’m watching “The Measure of a Man”. In this episode Bruce Maddox wants to take Data away for disassembly and experimentation. Fortunately, Picard, argues for Data’s rights as an individual. Picard received advice from Guinan and she compared Androids in becoming […]
  • The Economy is a Casino
    A way of describing my #ActuallyAutistic life is like being trapped in a casino with no exit. Since I don’t have a job the casino gives me money to play.Sometimes I have to play to fit in but these days I’m focused on life support – essentials & small unnecessary luxuries. I’ve never been to […]
  • Star Trek TNG: The Traveller
    I’m continuing to watch Star Trek TNG season 1. I have stumbled once again on the thoughtful episode of ‘The Traveller’. To be concise an alien takes the Enterprise to distant places of the unknown before returning the ship back to it’s known place of the galaxy. What makes this episode fascinating is it blends […]
  • Star Trek Picard Season 2
    Today I finished my rewatch of Star Trek Picard season 2. The series made alot more sense this time round. Probably because I was previously homeless in a psychiatric hospital watching it on my tablet. It was a very stressful time though as always Star Trek was a great comfort. This was alot better season […]
  • Picard My Dad
    I’m watching Picard Season 2 and Picard feels more like the character I knew in Star Trek The Next Generation in the 90’s. I didn’t have a father so I adopted Picard as my fatherly figure growing up. Picard seemed like a wise man to me. I think I related a lot to Data and […]
  • Star Trek Picard Season 2
    Well I completed my rewatch of Star Trek Picard Season 1. Overall I enjoyed it the 2nd time around more than the 1st. I picked up on alot of the story I missed before. Though I was mentally unwell at the time of its 1st airing due to the lockdowns from the pandemic. I don’t […]
  • How I Got Into Star Trek
    I got into Star Trek as a teenager by spending all my weekly pocket money renting ‘The Next Generation’ from Blockbusters. I used to travel their on my bike. It was also aired on the BBC. I later met a friend at school who owned the entire collection on VHS The home release was 2 […]
  • Star Trek Enterprise Review: Carbon Creek
    In my rewatch of Star Trek Enterprise Season 2, I came across an episode that to some extent embodied the Autistic social struggle of living in modern society. The episode is named ‘Carbon Creek’ and was first aired on the 25th September 2002. In this episode T’Pol tells a story about her great-grandmother and two […]
  • Star Trek Enterprise Review: Dear Doctor
    In my rewatch of Star Trek Enterprise Season 1, a recent episode came to my attention that adds thought to the Autistic struggle for fairer human rights and adjustments. The episode is named “Dear Doctor” and was aired on 23rd January 2002. In this episode the Enterprise crew encounter a planet with two human like […]
  • Star Trek Enterprise Review: Shadows of P’Jem
    I’ve been continuing my rewatch of Enterprise and I just watched the ‘Shadows of P’Jem’. In this episode it’s reported the Andorians destroyed P’Jem (the Vulcan monastery) after discovering it’s a spying station. The Vulcans up the diplomatic pressure by blaming Archer and recalling T’Pol. Later on a planet T’Pol is taken hostage with Archer […]
  • Star Trek Deep Space Nine Review: Favor The Bold
    This evening I continued my screening of multipart episodes of Star Trek Deep Space Nine by viewing Favor The Bold and Sacrifice Of Angels (Season 6, 1997). In this episode Sisko sends a fleet to retake DS9 before the Dominion disarm the mines at the Wormhole. Although Sisko retakes DS9 the mines are disarmed and […]
  • Star Trek Deep Space Nine Review: In and By Inferno’s Light
    Today I continued my screening of multipart episodes of Star Trek DS9 by viewing In and By Inferno’s Light (Season 5, 1997). In these episodes Garak and Worf are captured and interned by the Dominion where they meet Dr Bashir. There is no escape outside the prison dome of the asteroid. Meanwhile Sisko assembles a […]
  • Star Trek Deep Space Nine Review: The Way of the Warrior
    The Way of the Warrior (Season 4, 1995/96) was the next 2 part Star Trek DS9 episode I watched today. As a child it was one of my favourites that I originally owned on VHS mainly for it’s extensive ship battles at the time. In this episode Worf from The Next Generation makes his debut […]
  • Star Trek Deep Space Nine Review: Homefront
    Tonight I continued my screening of multipart episodes of Star Trek DS9 by viewing Homefront and Paradise Lost (Season 4, 1996). In this 2 part episode Sisko and Odo are posted to paradise, also known as Earth, in 2372. Their task was to assist Starfleet in saving paradise from the changeling threat (the founders of […]
  • Star Trek Deep Space Nine Review: Improbable Cause
    This afternoon I continued my screening of multipart episodes of Star Trek DS9 by viewing Improbable Cause and the Die is Cast (Season 3, 1995). In this 2 part episode Garak’s shop is blown up. Garak becomes involved with his formers associates at the Obsidian Order and the Tal Shiar who have a small fleet […]
  • Star Trek Deep Space Nine Review: Past Tense
    Tonight I continued my screening of multipart episodes of Star Trek DS9 by viewing Past Tense (Season 3, 1995). In this 2 part episode the crew are involved in a transporter accident that takes them back to the year 2024. Set in San Francisco, Sisko and Bashir find themselves trapped in a Sanctuary District. Sanctuary […]