Reflections on Anti-psychotics

I was thinking what it’s like being on a high dose of anti-psychotics to a low dose/none. I am different between both. On a low dose I have a sense of adventure and push myself too hard. Sometimes I feel bulletproof and have to be careful of not pushing myself to crashing.

On a higher dose I struggle to try things and to even stick to it. I am unmotivated and alot more fragile. Though I am very good with money and sometimes overdisplined in staying well and safe.

At the moment I’m more on the higher dose end and have managed to stick to church. Though I feel more fragile but perhaps I’m just living more realistically and more self aware of my limitations and challenges for people like me in this country.

One thing I miss from the lower doses is being so absorbed by my special interests. I would be highly motivated and would feel like I was living more. I don’t have that anymore on this medication. It is really difficult to live with and I feel alone because of it.