Things Going Reasonably Well Considering

Things in my life seem to be going reasonably at well at present compared to previous experiences in my life. I have a quiet and peaceful home after all. I am fortunate to live alone. Last year I was homeless for 4 and half months in a psychiatric hospital.

Psychiatric hospitals have restrictions that make life difficult. I can’t for example make myself a tea or sandwich when I get thirsty or hungry. I need a staff member to not be busy to charge my phone. I need supervision to have a shave. I need the right paperwork and permission to leave the ward for a walk. Many things are prohibited on the ward like flowers and phone chargers. I could go on about the difficulties of being held in a psychiatric hospital because your homeless but I think you get the point.

Now I have been in my home for a year I have the necessities of a home plus a bit more. I have the appropriate kitchen equipment, a washer dryer, bed, armchair etc… I am more grateful of this than I have been in the past. I believe there are three good reasons for this.

The first reason is having been homeless and having to live in a psychiatric hospital makes me value the freedoms we usually have in the UK. The second is the Bible stories. I read the Bible a lot in hospital and so make more comparisons and gain inspiration with the harsh conditions experienced of those in the Bible than other fellow westerners. The third reason is the medication is mostly keeping me more well than I have been in recent years.

The sedation of the medication sometimes gets me down. I can’t do as much as I used to and want to do. I have to pace myself and not expect too much. Though in the past I was often doing things that I obsessed about that didn’t really matter so much. For example, I ran marathons and the MSc in Mental health I was doing in 2019-20 that I later quit for Postgraduate Certificate was largely pointless. People with lived experience aren’t taken seriously so it was really a ‘Mickey Mouse’ qualification. Though I still value it because it helped me better understand the flawed philosophy and ideology of today which allowed me to find some peace with Christianity. I already have a Computer Science degree and was an experienced programmer but never could get a part time role when I was looking for one so it goes to show how limited the economy is.

Although I had a short episode of psychosis last May with delusions I’m hopeful they won’t occur again or at least not for a long time. It’s happened every year since 2017 so I would like some peace on that front. Things often get ruined or go missing in hospital which causes me a lot of upset. Then I have to rebuild myself up again alone.

The stigma of my conditions and from not working make me a Leper of society. I use the term Leper as I experience a 21st century version of ostracism to like those who experienced Leprosy in the New Testament. It also makes me feel better as Jesus saved the Lepers and treated them well. I believe when my body dies, Jesus will be waiting for me.

I am happy that I can detach from society in my home. I personally think society is no more mad than I am. I just don’t fit in with everyone else. Money is literally pretend numbers in a computer to enforce some form of social cohesion usually at the benefit of the richest 1%. I now just see myself as passing through this period in time. I believe historians will recognise the huge flaws in our society that we try to gloss over today with spin and Public Relations.

This blog is archived on the UK Web Archive by the British Library and the Internet Archive. Perhaps historians will find my blog one day and recognise perspectives like mine as a primary source beyond the power over information that others had at this time.