Home Away From People

I wouldn’t say I have ever been a people person. Sometimes I have done better when I am desperate to please people. I don’t feel the need to please people anymore. I have no ambitions and I accept the faulty individual I am. It’s fair to say I have less tolerance for people these days.

In the past few days my mood has been low. This is where I most want to be alone. This is when people really get on my nerves. I have no patience for their assumptive beliefs on how people should be. Those with the domineering beliefs I fear the most. I am very fragile against that kind of ideology.

I have recently put curfews on my use of social media and the blocking of UK news sites during certain hours. The sad news out their is getting me down. The hatred of the poor and vulnerable seems to be increasing. The compassion for people is collapsing. The dehumanisation of people is becoming more mainstream. I feel helpless, powerless and that things are going to get worse for people like me.

Being homeless in a psychiatric ward and then a hotel for half a year really took its toll on me. I was dehumanised by others and the state. I think many of them wanted me to disappear or die. My worthiness was based on not having a paycheque. Thankfully the Bible and my love for Jesus Christ sustains me. It still sustains me today.

I really appreciate the home I live in. Having a bathroom and kitchen feels like a luxury. I love to watch my Star Trek on my blu ray player on my TV from bed. As well as pray and read the Bible without being disturbed. I do get lonely not being able to talk to like minded people but there are few people not programmed by today’s Neoliberal ideology. Sadly many people talk very shallow and aren’t interested to see beyond surface level explanations.