Doing Better

I feel more relaxed in my home now, especially as Spring is beginning. I am looking forward to the summer. When I moved in September I needed to get a lot of things in order to make this place my home. Many days it was overwhelming as I had no support. I shared this journey on Twitter and received much kindness and encouragement online on the way. I did it slowly over many weeks. I had to get my things delivered by men in a van from my ex partners. Then I needed to buy and learn to install quite a few things to make living more bearable. Things like curtains, washer dryer, kettle, towels, a bed, doorbell, bookcase, bedside etc..

I was quite weary of the cost of energy and that I didn’t have credit built up over the summer going into the winter. I rationed my heating really well by getting an electric blanket. That helped me buy a few nicer things for my flat to make me comfortable. It’s been a fairly mild winter thankfully. Earlier this month I turned my heating off at the boiler. I’ve recently bought a washing line and garden pots with compost. I’m hopeful I will be able to grow some food. My tomato plants from seed are doing particularly well.

I feel my medication is just about right. It’s a difficult balance and trade off with the side effects. Though this seems to fit well. I don’t like them being changed. To often when I am hospitalised they want to change them (I’ve been on over a dozen in over a decade). When I think just a change of scenery somewhere safe may be all I need. I have been in a psychiatric hospital once or more times a year for the last 12 years. Sometimes voluntarily though since 2017 I have been regularly sectioned.

I hope sharing some of my story last year in the upcoming Channel 4 dispatches documentary ‘Locked Away: Out Autism Scandal’ helps raises awareness of what it can be like. I was raw and fragile (not my best for TV) at the time but I felt it could be worth putting the spotlight on these kind of issues. Though it’s not too far off how I usually am, especially when anxious with worry. The documentary will be aired on Friday 24th March at 7:30pm on Channel 4. I hope it is well received.