Expecting Death Soon

You only have to put on the television to see how awful the world is becoming in 2023. It is truly becoming hell on earth. Even in a rich country like the US the gap between the Rich and Poor is so huge that you hear of many people on the street with no medical care. Most of the time we see news of the war in Ukraine and lately the suffering in Israel and Gaza. Powerful people seem to want to set the world ablaze.

More closer to home in my country, in the UK its clear the both Labour and Conservatives are right wing. They don’t have the time of day for refugees or people with disabilities like myself. There is no interest in social justice, accommodations and adjustments. My expectation is things are going to get a lot more tougher for me. Whether thats being able to access medicine or more likely more tougher sanctioning on welfare. I’m all for working in a healthy working environment but it has to be realistic and respectful of my limitations.

Personally I’m expecting more stick. So although I seem to end up with a stay in a psychiatric hospital every year I suspect I could be pushed into homelessness or made more unwell. I may end up having to choose between medication and employment. I feel too sedated and lethargic to do many tasks sustainably. Though stopping the medication entirely and suddenly is fraught with risk as well.

Most nights I pray to God thanking him that I have a home, food, clothes, can wash my clothes and watch my Star Trek DVD collection. I just hope when death comes it is quick and swift without too much suffering. I suspect it could happen living on a cold pavement perhaps from even being attacked a few years from now.

I try to just think of the present. As the future seems too scary. I tell myself I have no power to change how the country and world works. All I can do is pray.