1 Year Anniversary

It was actually this time last year I was sectioned into a psychiatric hospital. The Ukraine war had really scared me and I started watching BBC News too much. I couldn’t sleep so was going into the lounge to watch more News. My drop in concentration meant I missed my medication.

I believe coming off these meds abruptly can make you lose touch with reality as much as they claim to prevent it. My boyfriend came home to find all the windows open with me under a duvet complaining I was cold. I was very confused.

At the weekend I told my boyfriend I was leaving him and moving to Australia (I’m a dual citizen). I began packing my suitcase. I then left the home and got lost for several hours. My boyfriend tried to get mental health support but all what was offered was the police.

When the police came I was terrified. I just stayed in the kitchen for hours and was non-verbal. I was very afraid. The police stayed in the lounge many hours late into the night. The police just told me to pose like a statue and put me on a stretcher. I went into an ambulance.

I remember waking up in a room with a cable connected to my vain. I took it out. I was terrified and confused. I was not sure what was going on. It seemed like a video game. I was taken to a room with two doors. Neither door had locks. The room had only seating. No TV, no books.

Every time I left the room I was restrained and carried back into the room. It felt very dystopian. I had conspiracy theories. Eventually I remember waking up on the Assessment ward of Basildon Mental Health Unit. A familiar place. I felt safer than before. I knew the routine.

After a few days I was moved to Kelvedon Ward. My boyfriend ended the relationship and I was made homeless. I spent 4 and half months in the psychiatric hospital waiting for a home.I then spent 6 weeks in a council provided hotel before they found me a flat in the private sector.

These days I feel very fortunate to have privacy, freedom and Independent living in my own home. I wasn’t quite sure I would be able to cope. Especially as there was a lot to do to make my living function-able. A lot of people take this was for granted as I once did.

What has made it a lot more harder is the community mental health services weren’t supportive. Support when I came out would have been really helpful. I felt very alone and very stressed. Twitter and Church has helped immensely.