I remember when I got discharged from hospital in the summer I had to pay £40 for a taxi to carry all my belongings. Then I had to move my luggage every 10 metres from the back of the council office to the front as I couldn’t carry it all. I think it was 37c that day.
Doing all that felt like a mark of shame as some people were staring at me. I had to wait all afternoon in the council office to meet my care coordinator (who eventually went AWOL) and my housing officer. The council didn’t offer free water so I had to pay £2 a time at the cafe.
Eventually I was assigned a hotel as the council had no hostel space.I then got another Taxi at the back of the council office to take to my hotel. I have to put extra effort to keep hydrated as I take 1g of lithium a day. It was nice to finally have a kettle in my room.
When I think of shame these days I think of Jesus who carried his own cross to his execution. I don’t believe I am an evil person for being autistic, a loner, jobless and claiming benefits. So I will gladly boast of my weaknesses and traumatic things that happen to me.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9