Pressure to Conform

I think there is a huge pressure to conform. Even among members of marginalised groups. I’m incapable of conforming except from my own rational reason or due to capitulating from oppressive state violence. It’s probably one reason why I am alone.

That’s not to say I can’t be respectful. If I understand the logic of a culture I can execute some social behaviours successfully. Deference is not my strong point though I seem to have that relationship to God. Though I would still treat the King or the clergy as fellow humans.

When I’m at home I make the rules. When I’m in a psychiatric hospital I know the rules and cope fairly well except for the boredom and barriers to personal care. Anywhere else I’m like a fish out of water.

Starting Church last summer hasn’t been too challenging as the Bible was background reading.I knew I was likely to be forgiven if I made any mistakes. I’ve politely ushered in communion and how to participate in the service.More like this in society such as work would be helpful.

It’s probably another reason why I do well in the classroom. You learn the course objectives, the course content, get homework and when to ask questions. That’s probably why I have so many qualifications.

In 2017-20 I founded and run a peer support group for people with mental illness. It’s fair to say I was central to the group as it was my special interest. I fundraised doing marathons and put effort in buying the beverages, renting our meeting room, posters and communications.

People would participate and my role gave me a purpose in the group. I learnt a lot about mental illness and my own shortcomings. I never made long standing friendships. I then lost interest once I felt I had exhausted my learning. I left the group and it shortly after it ended.

I think my special interests are much like a prospecting miner or oil baron. I mine then once the resources are depleted I move into the next interest.