Month: March 2023
-
Home Away From People
I wouldn’t say I have ever been a people person. Sometimes I have done better when I am desperate to please people. I don’t feel the need to please people anymore. I have no ambitions and I accept the faulty individual I am. It’s fair to say I have less tolerance for people these days.…
-
Despair At Injustice
Content Warning: Deeply triggering for those with mental illness. Contains content that talks about suicide. Since yesterday I felt severely hopeless. Today I did something I have done before. I took my rope, tightened it round my neck and then attached the other end to the bar above my shower screen. Unfortunately I am too…
-
Hospital Hell
When I was in hospital for 4 and a half months homeless (my section ended after 6 weeks). I was triggered an awful number of times. Sometimes it was the other patients who were struggling and were triggered. Most of the times it was the staff who triggered me. A large part of my triggers…
-
Basildon Day Trip
It was strange going into Basildon Town centre today as I saw the fountain where I used to sit when I got leave from hospital. It felt different this time because I’m in a better place now. It meant so much to me that fountain. Now I feel I have started early retirement. Society is…
-
Hospital Memory
The #dispatches documentary reminded me of some memories in hospital last year. I remember at one point the staff said we would have to sign before we could go and eat a meal. I refused to sign and said I would stop eating. Other patients then said the same. They backed down. At one point…
-
Short Reflection on documentary
Tweet 1 Thank you everyone for expressing thanks for my short bit in #dispatches. I don’t feel up to replying to every one of you. I did spend more time in an interview for the documentary which didn’t make the final cut as there is simply not enough time. The problem with a lot of…
-
Doing Better
I feel more relaxed in my home now, especially as Spring is beginning. I am looking forward to the summer. When I moved in September I needed to get a lot of things in order to make this place my home. Many days it was overwhelming as I had no support. I shared this journey…
-
Tired of Sociatial Pressure
I find now being on the Paliperidone depot I have less bandwidth to do things. Doing the domestic chores and a walk is close to my limit. In 2019 I was on a low dose of quetiapine but could do more like run marathons. I feel happier now and can settle on this – if…
-
Grateful Of Home
These days I feel very grateful living alone in my flat. I experience a lot of peace and quiet. Something I didn’t get when I was homeless in hospital for 4.5 months hospital and then a hotel for 6 weeks. At the moment I just feel I want to hide away from people. I don’t…