Tag: Lived Experience
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Suicidal Urges
I don’t know if other people get suicidal thoughts much.Though sometimes I get the thought to end it. Like this evening I have the thought of just picking up my rope, making a hangman noose and ending it.I won’t tonight. Having it all there just gives me peace. As I can move on. I am…
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Lithium Reduced
As permitted by the psychiatrist I lowered my Lithium dose from 1000mg to 800mg on Monday night. I think I am seeing a benefit. I feel less worn out in the morning. I seem to have got into Aldi earlier than usual this week. My motivation is low which I think is partly due to…
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Taking Medication
Alexa has reminded me to refill my nightly weekly pillbox. Seems I will be out of 1000mg Lithium on Sunday. So will start 800mg of Lithium Monday. I’m hopeing I will have more spoons to do things. I’m not necessarily convinced the medication helps as much as it hinders. My mind is too dependant to…
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Gratitude and Sadness
One thing I have to remind myself is I am free from not making money. Money to me is much like Star Trek in it’s use of basic accounting for resources. Most people aren’t free from that and are fully engrossed in the Neoliberal World Order. I really appreciate having a home and had the…
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Reflections
I have lurched from uncertainty to crisis in my life. Many identities have been assigned to me by others and by myself. Like the circles here. There was a force like gravity at my core that kept it all together. That core light was revealed to me in my most darkest moments. I never grew…
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My Search for acceptance
I’m possible. A Venn diagram of the barriers I face in meeting people that will accept me.
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My Diagnosis
I was formally assessed and diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) in 2019. Usually when I’ve been in a psychiatric hospital I’m treated as a patient with diagnosed Schizoaffective disorder that occurred in 2012. Although I have been sectioned 5 times since my ASD diagnosis it was only in my last admission in 2022 that…
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Pressure to Conform
I think there is a huge pressure to conform. Even among members of marginalised groups. I’m incapable of conforming except from my own rational reason or due to capitulating from oppressive state violence. It’s probably one reason why I am alone. That’s not to say I can’t be respectful. If I understand the logic of…
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My Dark Matter Problem
I’m aware many Autistic people don’t believe in the Theory of Mind deficits and I respect that.I’m not so sure.I don’t believe I have a theory of mind at all. Perhaps that’s not due to autism but something else. I for a number of years have described it as my dark matter problem. Dark matter…