I think alot of neurotypical people would be depressed and suicidal in my situation. Apart from going to Church I’m ostracised from society and having my Mum and stepdad passing I am very much isolated. Some of it is due to my condition and some of it due to my economic standing.
I struggled most of my adult life dealing with people. I once had a good young career of programming computers and not having to deal with people much. Later on being diagnosed with autism made me realise why I struggled so much with people.
I find mostly the people I meet online more understanding than people I meet locally. Perhaps because people choose to interact with me online from what I write. I tend to avoid meeting people locally as I’m not keen on large groups.
I avoid interactions largely because people define themselves by what they do. Worth is measured by what you do in the hierarchy of human civilization and sometimes by what you have such as money and family. I don’t have an occupation, money or family.
In any case I find meaning in reading and thinking about God. Church is an extension of that. I enjoy my walks in the morning and spotting Dogs. Some interest in politics, economics and tech has had my eye but it seems it’s going to create a rather bleak immediate future.
So I try to live day by day most of the time. Managing my health feels like a little job in itself with the appointments and logistics around it. I do wonder if like Jesus I will be a lamb led to slaughter at some point in the future given the changing social atmosphere.