Walking Thoughts

Just came back from a long walk. Felt very sluggish this morning. Once again it’s the medication but not as bad as it was. Though I get a lot less agitated than I used which is nice. I feel like I could settle with a little life like this if things remain as they are.

I would like to do more with my life but I don’t think that can be achieved without stopping or significantly reducing the medication. Though I have been dependant on meds for over a decade now so it has a lot of risks. The doctors never advise dropping it.

I think I’m more at the age of wanting to settle.However, I’m mindful the state may expect me to work FT one day and I don’t think it’s possible with my reaction to these medications.I would insist stopping the medication and I think that’s where the pressure could pull me apart.

I have tried 14 different medications over a decade. I’m tired of trying new ones and them causing different new side effects. Though in the end I know I have no choice. As if I am sectioned again it will be changed. I am tired of the doom loop and just want to settle. So I pray.